http://www.livejournal.com/users/liloleme5

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I swore to myself up and down that I wasn't going to get hooked on American Idol again, and I couldn't have lied to myself more emphatically. I'm totally addicted, and I think it's also this masochistic thing for me. Like I said in another post, the show has this new depth for me because I kind of put myself through that same sort of thing. And I see these kids saying how they're going to be the next superstar even though they very clearly suck, and then I remember the people I met who said the same thing at that expo. Then part of me starts wondering if the same can't be said about me. Cuz when I did the expo it really really seemed like talent-wise, a few of them were all for me, and I was put aside because of my looks. Which I expected, and it doesn't bother me. When it comes to image, I'm not It for most people. But when I was in LA, I was getting invited to industry parties my first night there, and stuff like that. Looks were never a problem for me there, which, all things considering, I find really funny. Then I wonder, even if I look the part, do I have the talent to go with it?

There's a very little part of me that is actually self-conscious, but when it comes out to play, it plays rough and gives Indian burns. So with everything starting to come together (as in, financial planning till August, knowing when I need to quit my job and having about a week span between ScaperCon and Sarah going back to school that I need to go, and all that), the doubt is back out, it's making faces at my self-image and causing a bit of a ruckus.

Cancel winter. Make the snow go away. I almost got into two accidents coming home, which wasn't fun. Poor Talyn is such the California car. Next year, car, next year.

Spent a good part of yesterday in bed watching An Evening With Kevin Smith, which is just really hysterical. I bought it over the weekend, and it's about four hours long, but I about died. And I wasn't feeling too hot yesterday anyway. Anything that gives you quotes like "In Hollywood you just kind of fail upwards" is good by me.

Got home at 9 last night from a surprise trip to Iowa (hi, Sarah), felt yicky, stayed home today. You know I can't do long drives without my Kathe CD's? It just can't happen. Any time I wasn't listening to those (and I'm pissed because the Chloe CD is lost somewhere in my car) I was listening to Guster and complaining that their new CD isn't out yet because Ramona is one of my favorite songs of all time. Plus I made up a little dance to "We Gotta Be Clean", but should anyone ever ask me to demonstrate, I will deny that I ever mentioned a dance.

Btw, Farscape? Not the best ep, but entertaining. Though I loved the last scene. Hee. And Alias. Oh my freaking God. For one, I found myself going "Please say they didn't kill Will," which about shocked the hell out of me because last year I was begging them to kill him. And more happy shippy! Really really good weekend for shippiness...

And now I can't stop singing "We Gotta Be Clean." Chuck at work says we need a little Sesame Street in every day. Easy to do when you can't get one of the damn songs out of your head...

"I have a very high pain threshold when it comes to beauty." -Quinn Morgendorffer

Anyone who has a problem with hair talk, you can save yourself the frustration and stop reading here.

I just spent four hours at the salon. Apparently not only do I become the most patient person on Earth when I'm getting my hair done, but I feel no pain. Remember that I went through the day fighting off one hell of a migraine, and I go there at 6. They had to bleach my hair to get the black dye off. That went really well. It was quick, and the dye came off really easily. The bleach also turned some of my roots a yellowy-blond, and the rest white. I had a white patch at the back of my head. So they did the color, and it took at the ends, but the roots were still blond. So there was more washing and rinsing, followed by more color. After a while, it starts to sting like hell. Plus some of the dye splashed on my face and clogged some pores on my cheek really badly, so I have this oh-so-lovely red spot on my face. But my hair is now a medium brown, with a lot of red and blond highlights, and Lisa the Hairstylist says it'll lighten more with each washing, and in a month we'll do blond highlights, and go from there.

And now? Bedtime.

Weird dreams last night. I kept waking up and remembering bits and pieces. The weirdest was where I was walking through the hotel from ScaperCon 2000 and ended up in the lobby of the Cincy ScaperCon hotel, where Rona said she would hug me, except she was waiting for everyone to show up so she could give the world's biggest group hug. Then Cristin, Laurie and I were doing the Monkees walk by the fountain, and then we all fell down and decided to stay there because it was more comfortable. Yeah, that was the dream I woke up to around 2. Then I woke up at 4 to one about the trials and tribulations in me trying to burn a Guster CD when we had all these guys staying at our house for nothing. < shrug >

And while I swore to myself that I wasn't watching American Idol this season, damn if Simon isn't irresistible. Though I have to say that after doing the acting expo last August, it hurts more to watch some of these, because I remember being there and seeing it. Plus I feel happier for the people who do make it, because it's pretty damn grueling. And to tell you what a geek I am, I'm just happy to see Kristin doing all the work with the auditionees. Hee.

Oh, how much did I love Buffy? "I could fit Oz in my shaving kit." < snort > Cool ep that made me really really love Dawn, and I swear the more I see Kennedy the more I curse the fact that I'm straight. (Yeah, the Daredevil commercials are doing that to me, too. I don't know whether to drool over Jennifer Garner or seethe with jealousy. Maybe both.)

I want 24. Those bastards at Fox. Gimme my show! I need my Keifer!

I declared myself the Hulk today. I was all headachy and irritated, no one would like me when I'm angry, and next thing you know I'm throwing things around and screaming "Natalie smash!!!" I don't get why people figure that if they all need things right now, I can actually get it all done. Why? Because there's only one "right now", ya dumbasses! I'm sorry, maybe I do have to learn how to bend the time-space continuum, but a girl only has so much damn time on her hands!

Though for the record, people at work started getting disturbed when in my more stressful moments I would just start giggling something about "Do you LOVE your hobbit?"

"What's a little electrocution in the name of hysterical fashion?"

So I've made an appointment to get my hair done. As in, "how light can you make my hair without ruining it?" They can make me blond if I want. Hee. Of course, now I'm really nervous about it, because my hair has always been dark and when I tried to go lighter a year and a half ago, my roots went blond and the rest of my hair stayed brown. But that's okay. It's only hair (eek) and dammit, I need change. I've been talking about this since high school.

Tired. Was up reading till 3:30, then woke up with my legs on one side of my twin bed and me on the opposite side, so my back's spasming really pretty. Oh, and Jena can bite me, the wench. Yes, I know you want filler. I don't care.

In November Sarah had me watch Shag. I watched. I liked. Went to Best Buy today cuz Nick needed a phone, and so I spent the rest of my gift cards from Christmas on Buffy season 3, Empire Records ("Damn the man! Save the Empire!") and I found the Shag DVD for $10. Cool, right? Till I opened it and saw THERE WAS NOTHING IN IT. So now I have to take it back and exchange it. And I wanted to watch that tonight, too. < pout >

Farscape. Son of a freaking bitch. I was ready to go hunting Froon for a while there, and I bet you know why. I also want to be friends with Olivia.

All right, I'm watching Fairly Oddparents because I love this show. I keep seeing commercials for Kidz Bop 3, where all these kids sing popular songs. Among these songs? "Don't Let Me Get Me" by Pink, which includes the lyric "My parents hated me, my teachers dated me." Or Shakira's "Whenever Wherever", which is a much more suitable "Lucky for my breasts are small and humble so you don't confuse them with mountains." Can the next CD have "Dirrty" on it? How about some nice Disturbed? Ozzy's really big right now, you know. I fear for our culture.

The Leaning Tower of Pratchett? Fell. At 11:30 last night. Right after I started to finally fall asleep. I hear all this crashing as the tower comes tumbling down, taking with it tapes, computer discs and anything else in its way. And it's one of those moments where you hear all the noise and know what it is. I will rebuild. Hey, right now I'm just glad none of them fell behind the dresser.

Pitch Black is on. Kathe, I still have not seen the skiff fic, btw.

Anyone else watch 24? God dammit, I'm shipping for Tony and Michelle on 24. I don't need another couple. Can I be Michelle, btw? She's so cute. And Tony's just Tony. Also, I'm crushing on Mason. Seriously. I've taken to liking the bastards with a heart of gold. And of course there's Keifer.

One day, and I am serious, I am going to watch the first season.

So I've had a bad day. Besides stupid salespeople and a guy who called and complained that "you women" don't know which way they're facing, blah blah, don't take it personally, and the heat being out at our house again, the overtime I just got last week? They're canceling it. Not only are they taking away our overtime weeks from the five of us, but they're coming up with this nonsensical schedule to cover all the hours. So next week I'll work 8:30-5:00, then I'll have three weeks of 8-4:30, then a week of 7-3:30, and so on. Yeah. And the guy coming up with the schedule says he's open to ideas, but he really couldn't care less what we think. Plus it makes it harder for all of us to take vacations or sick days, and I might have to go for the second job after all. I really don't want to. I feel exhausted and time-deprived as it is, I don't want something else to suck out all my energy. I don't want to have to quit two jobs over the summer. Gah.

Spent the weekend at a Scaper gathering. And I got to be Guest of the Day at our hotel, which was neat because it gave me an Odo walrus. Had fun kitten piling, watching lotsa stuff, not getting lost, and of course I got to watch Farscape with Nick, Cristin and Sarah. Justin Monjo is on crack. (And crack is comedy gold.)

Yes, I am tired. And it's a good idea to never ever watch something like The Surreal Life when you're tired.