"What's wrong with you people? Men, in general. I mean, what the hell."

I have the Alias premiere and the Monsters, Inc. DVD. September is sucking less the closer it comes to ending. I haven't yelled "Die, Will, Die!" ("The, Will, The," for you Simpsons fans), but there was a cry of "Why aren't you tonsil boxing?!" This, by the way, refers to Alias and not Monsters, Inc.

Yeah, so I'm not in a horrible mood today. The IRS is supposedly giving me money, the damn bitch muse is finally leaving me alone, and my dad went through the crawl space and found a bunch of pictures that disappeared when we redecorated my room over a year ago. We're talking copies of Nick's ScaperCon 2000 pictures, ShipperCon 2000, and from my vacation to LA. So I am once again in possession of two of my favorite pictures ever of me: one hanging off the gates at Paramount Studios (it's supposed to be good luck), and one of me on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Natalie Wood's square. I found them this morning, and have been in a good mood ever since. It makes me feel better, like whatever shit I have to go through in the next few (ha) months, I'm somehow going to manage to be okay. I damn well better be.

I need to state this:

Norah Jones kicks ass. Oh my God, this CD is the best impulse buy I've ever had.

Tuesday I celebrated my year anniversary at work. I've never made a year at a job, so that was cool for me.

"I have the utmost respect for people who can do that. I suck at improv."

And yesterday I started my acting class. Oh my GOD. I love this class. My teacher, Scott, is awesome. (See above quote.) We have 19 people in there, and most are serious about acting, and are there because they want to be. And there are some really cute guys there. So there's this guy. His name is Sean, and I noticed him doing the same thing I was during class, scoping out everyone of the opposite sex to see if there was a shot. Apparently we settled on each other. We all had to pair off in partners for scene work, and of course I end up with Sean and this guy Justin, because we had 19 in class. Let me say this about the other people in the class: they're all pretty awesome. We have some terrific scenes, comedic and otherwise. Then Scott asks Sean who he wants to go with. Of course Sean says me. (Did I mention he came over and sat next to me and stared at me like the whole time? And he's one of those guys I can't help but flirt with.) We go up, and have to do a breakup scene, and I did good. Last time I did improv was in high school, and I was pretty bad at it, because I think too much and can't put myself out there. I've thank God changed since then. So it was a great class, and I am so happy to be acting again on a regular basis. I think I need it to be normal. I was considering auditioning for the plays at COD tomorrow, but decided against it for time constraints. Maybe next semester. I'm taking more classes next semester, dammit.

Oh, and the problem with Sean? He graduated in the class of '00. I've never been one for younger guys, and I would even consider it, except then I remember that he's the same age as my little brother. Yeah. And yet I still flirt and it feels like I have a real shot with him, whether I like it or not. Gah.

I'm listening to my angry CD, which is basically all Metallica, Drowning Pool, Disturbed, and Rob Zombie. It's really best played so loud you blow out your speakers.

Okay, I feel like I'm in high school again, and I fucking hate it. I hated it when I was in high school. And you know what I did in high school? Took it just long enough to survive my senior year, told everyone off, and then moved across the country. Ha. I ended up trying to beat up a wall last week. You'd think people would take that as a sign not to antagonize me, right? Again with the ha. This especially goes to Beth, who apparently is just a dumbass. (Her: "Natalie's mad at me again." Me: "If I was mad, you wouldn't be here." The girl thinks I'm kidding.) She really thinks I'm a self-centered know-it-all bitch, but I think that's just what she wants me to be. Or something. I don't care. Also having some fun on-again, off-again problems with my mom. She says she feels bad for me that I have to stay here a while, but if she could chain me to the wall and keep me here forever, she totally would. And then when I try to exhibit any sort of independence or say something she doesn't agree with, she stops talking to me. Whatever.

Ten months can go by fast, right? RIGHT?!

Got this from my friend Karyn, but most of the people I would forward this to are people I'm in contact with through like three different addresses, so there:

TOP TEN FAVORITE MOVIES
1. Heat
2. anything Star Wars
3. Life as a House
4. Black Hawk Down
5. Silence of the Lambs
6. Memento
7. Shakespeare in Love
8. Witness
9. Titanic
10. Anywhere But Here

TOP TEN FAVORITE SONGS
1. anything by Guster, because otherwise this top ten will be all them, and a lot longer
2. "Believe"- Sprung Monkey
3. "Santa Monica"- Everclear
4. "Striptease"- Hawksley Workman
5. "Steady Pull"- Jonatha Brooke
6. "Breathing"- Lifehouse
7. "Eternal Flame"- The Bangles
8. "Still Fighting It"- Ben Folds
9. "Digging"- Jonatha Brooke
10. "In My Life"- The Beatles

TOP THREE FAVORITE AUTHORS
1. Lois McMaster Bujold
2. Timothy Zahn
3. Terry Pratchett
(I think I need to expand my reading material)

TOP FIVE FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. Farscape
2. Buffy
3. Homicide (I don't need to care if it's still on or not)
4. Witchblade
5. Trading Spaces

Firefly notes: I liked it. I would have liked it more if Fox had shown the actual premiere that's floating around in cyberspace. Supposedly that one's really good and will be spliced into a new episode or something, but I hate that they premiered it with the second episode. Dude, that's like starting Farscape with I, ET, or Buffy with The Witch. Sheesh.

Went to the gym today, after dealing with my ex-bank (who told me I owed $50.91 for the $15 they were taking out of checking to put in the savings account I closed last July, even though they never actually closed the account) and Sprint (who I've been waiting for to give me notice that my two-year contract was ending so I could switch carriers without having to pay, but as it turns out my one-year contract ended a year ago). Amazingly, even after working myself to the point that my muscles are ready to pop out of my skin and run away for their own safety, I can't get rid of all this frustration. I need a guy to take this out on.

Speaking of which, there's this guy that comes in to work that I flirt with a little? Could totally be Crais' brother. (Well, not Tauvo, cuz he doesn't look like Tauvo. A yet-unnamed brother.) We're talking build, hair, facial features, everything. His name's Mike. He's nice. I wonder if he has arms like Crais, cuz that could be good.

"You're living your life in fear of a science fiction novel."
"What, the Bible?"

Yeah, work was interesting. See above.

You know what kills me? Getting matches from that roommate site that are absolutely perfect, and knowing that I can't do anything about it yet. Like, maybe not until summer. Logically and financially it works, but I kind of have a feeling I'm going to be a shriveled up dead little ball huddled in a corner by then.

And two seconds after I post, I start going around to my friends' blogs and catching up (because I suck at keeping track of everyone through blogs. I like 'em, but damn if I can actually go through them all), and I find Shaye's post about the blue-haired boy. And I feel really dumb for the little panic attack I posted about 5 minutes ago.

(Thanks, Shaye. =) I truly needed that.)

I've made it a point in my life to never not do something because I'm scared. I have never gotten anywhere by not taking a chance. And you can tell this is becoming a reality, because I'm starting to get that "OhmygodI'mactuallydoingthis" panic attack thing going on.

On a whim I went to www.losangeles.com, and found their section on relocating to LA. I found a website that hooks you up with roommates. I'm finding stuff, people. I'm getting replies to my profile. It's stuff I can afford in the areas I love. I'm not even that far away from my monetary goal. I have work experience, I have friends there, I have a car now, I know the area and how things work, I have an actual acting resume, and I know what I'm getting into. I can put my work resume on a site, hook up with a roommate, and just go. I could probably be out of here by the end of the year. Now, honestly I know I can't leave till 2003. I have classes until December, and Christmas tends to wipe me out a little every year. But after that, I can go. Then it's just a matter of getting my ass up and doing it.

Wow.

Okay, I've had it. I have officially had it with EVERYTHING.

So this entire month has sucked ass, and each day just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. I really wish there was just some sort of way for me to grab my sisters, kidnap Murray, Paul, Morgan and Vin and head off to some pretty beach planet somewhere, where there are nice cabana boys just for a change of scenery. I swear to God, I'm getting so sick of everything it's not funny.

WARNING: Major ranting being done.

In the last three days, I've come to truly hate this little part of the country. I realize I'm in conservative little DuPage County in a Republican state. I know that here, things like feminism (more like equalism, actually, but bring that concept up and you might break someone's brain) and even vegetarianism are foreign, and when people find out I lived in LA, they think that's where I got it. I understand that my views are nowhere near the views of anyone else around me. Okay. I get that. I've had that lesson pounded into me over the years. What I want to know is how just because someone has a different viewpoint, why it should be odd. There is nothing wrong with diversity. Not everyone has to think the same way, it's just nice if you hear people out. Unfortunately here, I run into nothing but total closed-mindedness.

I've gotten into this a few times with people at work, whether it be this guy telling me I shouldn't be carrying a five-pound box because "you shouldn't have to do that," or hearing people complain about their friends not finding a nice white guy to date, or whatever. The racism I've been seeing lately is completely boggling my mind. And it upsets me, it really does. I do not try to push my viewpoints on anyone, ever, for any reason. If you get on a soapbox, I'll discuss it with you and listen to your opinion. I may not agree, but you won't see me telling anyone they're wrong for thinking something. Yet even for thinking differently, I'm automatically wrong, and I must be a horrible person for it.

Also, I want to know how this keeps coming up at work. How the hell is data entry the place for this?

I've spent the last couple weeks drowning in hypocrisy and bitchiness, and I'm sick of it. Remember the Ozzfest debacle with Beth? She and Gretchen were supposed to go to Aerosmith tonight. Yesterday Gretchen comes in saying she hopes she's able to go, because she's been throwing up for two days, and Beth is nothing but supportive. So okay, I get reamed and ignored when it happens to me, but Gretchen's fine? What the fuck ever already. Also, Beth keeps bringing up how I want to get a tattoo, and saying she'll go with me. I don't trust her for a second. If I invited her to go, something would happen. I've been stung too many times, and yes I am paranoid, but I'm just waiting for that other shoe to drop. Add to this a lot of overall stupidity, double-crossing and a really fun game at work where everyone tries to figure out who Natalie's getting it on with (and I'm not- if I was, I'd probably be in a much better mood), and it's just been a carnival.

Then. I come home, and lock myself in my room, because I don't want to live here anymore, but I can't afford to move out and move out of state. I had to go get my hair fixed today. The red hair thing? It ended up being a very bad thing, so I got it fixed with a box of L'oreal despite my mother's insistence that I go somewhere to get it done professionally. Thursday she tried trimming my hair. An inch and a half got cut off, it was uneven, and she told me she angled the back because she thought it would look cute. I went to get it cut today and the woman looked at it and said "Oh my God." It's fixed, and it's cute again, but God. My mom keeps apologizing now, but I notice it took her two days. No idea what happened there.

So that has been my September so far. Actually, there's more, but this is really really not the forum for it. It's a wonder I haven't started drinking yet. As it is today, I rented the Count of Monte Cristo solely for Guy Pearce (the man's got a collarbone I could suck on for days) and Jim Caviezel, and I picked up some Ben and Jerry's and SoBe. I suppose I could put some vodka in the SoBe.

Choo choo, dammit...

I just have to say, I think I've already fallen in love with the Firefly fandom.

Especially when I find a message board and the first thing I see are packed threads about Farscape and Witchblade getting canceled. Now if only I could get my freaking avatar to work...

Okay, so I've been insane this morning. Let me start from last night.

Tammy and Co. went to a comedy club last week, and they're brand new so they were giving away free tickets to get people in. So I went with Tammy, Brandi, Kelly, Tammy's sister Lori and her boyfriend Bill, Tammy's boyfriend Mark, Tammy's brother David and his boyfriend Brad, and my ex-friend Carrigan. Went to Tammy's and hung out for a while, then went with Brandi and Kelly to get Carrigan. We picked her up, then drove out to Schaumburg. Had to sit next to Carrigan, too, which was interesting. It was all, "So how have you been? Good, good." < silence > But the show was cool, and then we went out to dinner at Houlihan's. There David tried to pawn his boyfriend off on me (lemme tell you, there were quotes "Are they renting a video or starring in one?" "I'm the only gay man you will ever meet with an obsession with breasts," and "My brother receives sexual *what*?!"), and Carrigan and I were very civil to each other, even if I did wanna smack her once or twice. I had a good time, and even Kelly's like, "We need to see you more."

Came home around one, and Nick told me Farscape had been canceled. I didn't have a real reaction, besides pissed. Witchblade was just canceled, this is the last season of Buffy, Fox already seems to be trying to kill Firefly, and now this. I was tired, so I got some sleep, and woke up after 6 hours with the thought of "I need to write letters" in my head. I've been writing and calling and sending telegrams, not to mention trying to get word out to people who might not have heard and want to do something.

I just went around to everyone's blogs to see reactions, and then went to read the transcript of the chat with Kemper, Ben and Ricky. It hit me hard, because I'm not ready to give up on a show I love and the people I love more. I want to see this show go out the way it wants to go out, not because someone made a bad decision. I don't cry in times like this. I go into battle mode. I get that very obstinate "You're not doing this without one hell of a fight" attitude and tend to get this view of "If you don't agree with me yet, I will make sure you will soon." Which isn't a bad thing, it's just my reaction. Plus what sucks is that battle mode works great one-on-one. When dealing with a situation like this, I get so frustrated that I can't do more.

Sigh, people. Just, sigh.

I will have a post about the events of last night, but upon coming home at 1 am, Nick told me that Farscape had been cancelled. So first thing when I woke up, I started writing letters and E-mails and sending telegrams.

If you hadn't heard this before and want to try to save the show, here's Aileen's site. Do something, people!

You know if you take the Which Star Wars Character Are You test? These are my top 5:
#1: Corran Horn
#2: Jaina Solo
#3: Jacen Solo
#4: Mara Jade Skywalker
#5: Han Solo

No surprise. Those of you who know me and read the books probably aren't surprised, either.

So this prefaces the unfortunate announcement that my damn Star Wars muse has returned. When I got my books from Amazon, I got one book because it was Jaina-centered and she's been a favorite since I was 14 and dammit, I ended up liking the book quite a bit. As I'm trying to go to sleep there's the freaking muse going "Remember me? I'm baaaaack." Yeah, so I got four hours sleep because one idea just pounded into another. This muse hates me, people. She comes back from Bali every so often, tortures me endlessly for a couple months, then leaves me hanging mid-fic. And this time she's not even sticking to SW, the horrid bitch! I wrote eight pages of original stuff last night. Eight pages!! And none of it had anything to do with anything! < whimper > So any E-mail you get from me, any post you see here, any time you actually catch me in chat, rest assured that I have a notebook in front of me. I hate her. Someone make her die... < wail >

Oh, and






Which Smallville character are you?


I knew I was going to get her!

WARNING: Today's post is a big huge work rant. Feel more than free to skip ahead to the bottom. Or skip it altogether.

I work for a hardwood floor distributor, and we ship out orders all the time via common carrier. Friday I had to call in this one that was getting picked up in Houston and sent to Minneapolis, and we'd be the third party. I called it in, they went to the wrong address (because the distributor it was being picked up from didn't give me the right one), and then they went to the right one. Yesterday the distributor calls to say it wasn't picked up. I call the carrier, they say yes it was, but it's a two day point and will get there Friday. When I get back from lunch I get another call from the distributor today saying the shipment is still sitting in their warehouse. So Beth calls the distributor to be sure, and I call the Houston terminal to see what the hell happened. After being on hold for half an hour, I finally get through and they tell me they picked it up. I say no, you didn't. They say, well we picked something up. I said they picked up the wrong thing in the first place, and this needs to be there tomorrow for installation Friday. He actually has the nerve to say "Well, if you'd given us the right address in the first place, we'd have gotten it."

Now, I'm one of those people you don't want to get mad. I'm pretty even-tempered for a reason. I get pissed off, I get irritated, but Mad is a whole other thing. You get me mad, I will chew your ass out till there is nothing left but a huge gaping hole.

This guy made me mad. I completely blew up at him, saying that no, he freaking got to the place, which means he could have picked up the right shipment. I went on about his incompetence and all the problems we've been having with their company. I told him we were canceling the order, I hope he found some spare brain cells lying around, and he better not dare ever blame his stupidity on me. I hung up on him. Apparently I scared Brett and Kevin, and earned Beth's never-ending respect. Beth calls a different carrier for it, because they can actually get it where it needs to go, and the girl at the distributor is supposed to call me with the pro number so we can get it hot sheeted to get there Friday. Oh, and during this time, another carrier forgot to pick something up, so we had to deal with that, along with the 17 God damn orders that stacked up while I was on the phone, and every single our truck bill I had to invoice.

Beth and I have a meeting with Jack about this, and when we got out at 4, I called the distributor again to see if they had the pro number. She says they never picked up. So I called the carrier. They say they tried to pick up, but they were refused. They named names and everything. I call the distributor again, and tell them this. And she goes, "Oh. We didn't know who they were picking up for." So I called the carrier again, he said he'd repost the pickup and try to get in, even though they needed a two-hour window. Oh, and when the salesman at my office called the distributor to talk to them about this, they bitched her out for nothing and hung up on her.

This was my afternoon, people. And I'm not good to made mad, because I don't come off of adrenaline well. I'm still shaky. I'm going to pig out on Tostitos (Tostitoes?) now.

I started a new book, too, till my new stuff comes from Amazon. Shaye, I think you were the one who recommended Herland to me, and I love you for it. I'll be done with it in two days and I love it. Thank you.

My hair is reddish. Not red. It's bright red/orangey at the roots, auburn (the color on the box) in the middle, and it looks dark still at the bottom. In the light, though, it looks all red and really cool. I haven't decided on it yet. I was going to try one more thing with it and then if that didn't work it'd be time to get my hair stripped. I walked into work today and everyone was like, "What'd you do to your hair?" After a while, though, the same people started saying they kind of liked it. It's growing on me. It's just a little bit tweaked, like me. < g > It feels weird, though. I'll decide later.

One more thing: the best part of this long weekend? While watching Star Wars, I finally saw the stormtrooper hit his head. And all is right in the world.