Adventures in Jaded Optimism

2003-01-29T21:17:00.000-06:00

http://www.livejournal.com/users/liloleme5

I like icons.

2003-01-28T20:58:00.000-06:00

I swore to myself up and down that I wasn't going to get hooked on American Idol again, and I couldn't have lied to myself more emphatically. I'm totally addicted, and I think it's also this masochistic thing for me. Like I said in another post, the show has this new depth for me because I kind of put myself through that same sort of thing. And I see these kids saying how they're going to be the next superstar even though they very clearly suck, and then I remember the people I met who said the same thing at that expo. Then part of me starts wondering if the same can't be said about me. Cuz when I did the expo it really really seemed like talent-wise, a few of them were all for me, and I was put aside because of my looks. Which I expected, and it doesn't bother me. When it comes to image, I'm not It for most people. But when I was in LA, I was getting invited to industry parties my first night there, and stuff like that. Looks were never a problem for me there, which, all things considering, I find really funny. Then I wonder, even if I look the part, do I have the talent to go with it?

There's a very little part of me that is actually self-conscious, but when it comes out to play, it plays rough and gives Indian burns. So with everything starting to come together (as in, financial planning till August, knowing when I need to quit my job and having about a week span between ScaperCon and Sarah going back to school that I need to go, and all that), the doubt is back out, it's making faces at my self-image and causing a bit of a ruckus.

2003-01-28T18:12:00.000-06:00

Cancel winter. Make the snow go away. I almost got into two accidents coming home, which wasn't fun. Poor Talyn is such the California car. Next year, car, next year.

Spent a good part of yesterday in bed watching An Evening With Kevin Smith, which is just really hysterical. I bought it over the weekend, and it's about four hours long, but I about died. And I wasn't feeling too hot yesterday anyway. Anything that gives you quotes like "In Hollywood you just kind of fail upwards" is good by me.

2003-01-27T09:11:00.000-06:00

Got home at 9 last night from a surprise trip to Iowa (hi, Sarah), felt yicky, stayed home today. You know I can't do long drives without my Kathe CD's? It just can't happen. Any time I wasn't listening to those (and I'm pissed because the Chloe CD is lost somewhere in my car) I was listening to Guster and complaining that their new CD isn't out yet because Ramona is one of my favorite songs of all time. Plus I made up a little dance to "We Gotta Be Clean", but should anyone ever ask me to demonstrate, I will deny that I ever mentioned a dance.

Btw, Farscape? Not the best ep, but entertaining. Though I loved the last scene. Hee. And Alias. Oh my freaking God. For one, I found myself going "Please say they didn't kill Will," which about shocked the hell out of me because last year I was begging them to kill him. And more happy shippy! Really really good weekend for shippiness...

And now I can't stop singing "We Gotta Be Clean." Chuck at work says we need a little Sesame Street in every day. Easy to do when you can't get one of the damn songs out of your head...

2003-01-23T22:33:00.000-06:00

"I have a very high pain threshold when it comes to beauty." -Quinn Morgendorffer

Anyone who has a problem with hair talk, you can save yourself the frustration and stop reading here.

I just spent four hours at the salon. Apparently not only do I become the most patient person on Earth when I'm getting my hair done, but I feel no pain. Remember that I went through the day fighting off one hell of a migraine, and I go there at 6. They had to bleach my hair to get the black dye off. That went really well. It was quick, and the dye came off really easily. The bleach also turned some of my roots a yellowy-blond, and the rest white. I had a white patch at the back of my head. So they did the color, and it took at the ends, but the roots were still blond. So there was more washing and rinsing, followed by more color. After a while, it starts to sting like hell. Plus some of the dye splashed on my face and clogged some pores on my cheek really badly, so I have this oh-so-lovely red spot on my face. But my hair is now a medium brown, with a lot of red and blond highlights, and Lisa the Hairstylist says it'll lighten more with each washing, and in a month we'll do blond highlights, and go from there.

And now? Bedtime.

2003-01-22T20:22:00.000-06:00

Weird dreams last night. I kept waking up and remembering bits and pieces. The weirdest was where I was walking through the hotel from ScaperCon 2000 and ended up in the lobby of the Cincy ScaperCon hotel, where Rona said she would hug me, except she was waiting for everyone to show up so she could give the world's biggest group hug. Then Cristin, Laurie and I were doing the Monkees walk by the fountain, and then we all fell down and decided to stay there because it was more comfortable. Yeah, that was the dream I woke up to around 2. Then I woke up at 4 to one about the trials and tribulations in me trying to burn a Guster CD when we had all these guys staying at our house for nothing. < shrug >

And while I swore to myself that I wasn't watching American Idol this season, damn if Simon isn't irresistible. Though I have to say that after doing the acting expo last August, it hurts more to watch some of these, because I remember being there and seeing it. Plus I feel happier for the people who do make it, because it's pretty damn grueling. And to tell you what a geek I am, I'm just happy to see Kristin doing all the work with the auditionees. Hee.

2003-01-21T20:05:00.000-06:00

Oh, how much did I love Buffy? "I could fit Oz in my shaving kit." < snort > Cool ep that made me really really love Dawn, and I swear the more I see Kennedy the more I curse the fact that I'm straight. (Yeah, the Daredevil commercials are doing that to me, too. I don't know whether to drool over Jennifer Garner or seethe with jealousy. Maybe both.)

I want 24. Those bastards at Fox. Gimme my show! I need my Keifer!

2003-01-21T18:44:00.000-06:00

I declared myself the Hulk today. I was all headachy and irritated, no one would like me when I'm angry, and next thing you know I'm throwing things around and screaming "Natalie smash!!!" I don't get why people figure that if they all need things right now, I can actually get it all done. Why? Because there's only one "right now", ya dumbasses! I'm sorry, maybe I do have to learn how to bend the time-space continuum, but a girl only has so much damn time on her hands!

Though for the record, people at work started getting disturbed when in my more stressful moments I would just start giggling something about "Do you LOVE your hobbit?"

2003-01-20T20:04:00.000-06:00

"What's a little electrocution in the name of hysterical fashion?"

So I've made an appointment to get my hair done. As in, "how light can you make my hair without ruining it?" They can make me blond if I want. Hee. Of course, now I'm really nervous about it, because my hair has always been dark and when I tried to go lighter a year and a half ago, my roots went blond and the rest of my hair stayed brown. But that's okay. It's only hair (eek) and dammit, I need change. I've been talking about this since high school.

2003-01-18T16:49:00.000-06:00

Tired. Was up reading till 3:30, then woke up with my legs on one side of my twin bed and me on the opposite side, so my back's spasming really pretty. Oh, and Jena can bite me, the wench. Yes, I know you want filler. I don't care.

In November Sarah had me watch Shag. I watched. I liked. Went to Best Buy today cuz Nick needed a phone, and so I spent the rest of my gift cards from Christmas on Buffy season 3, Empire Records ("Damn the man! Save the Empire!") and I found the Shag DVD for $10. Cool, right? Till I opened it and saw THERE WAS NOTHING IN IT. So now I have to take it back and exchange it. And I wanted to watch that tonight, too. < pout >

2003-01-17T20:51:00.000-06:00

Farscape. Son of a freaking bitch. I was ready to go hunting Froon for a while there, and I bet you know why. I also want to be friends with Olivia.

All right, I'm watching Fairly Oddparents because I love this show. I keep seeing commercials for Kidz Bop 3, where all these kids sing popular songs. Among these songs? "Don't Let Me Get Me" by Pink, which includes the lyric "My parents hated me, my teachers dated me." Or Shakira's "Whenever Wherever", which is a much more suitable "Lucky for my breasts are small and humble so you don't confuse them with mountains." Can the next CD have "Dirrty" on it? How about some nice Disturbed? Ozzy's really big right now, you know. I fear for our culture.

2003-01-15T19:27:00.000-06:00

The Leaning Tower of Pratchett? Fell. At 11:30 last night. Right after I started to finally fall asleep. I hear all this crashing as the tower comes tumbling down, taking with it tapes, computer discs and anything else in its way. And it's one of those moments where you hear all the noise and know what it is. I will rebuild. Hey, right now I'm just glad none of them fell behind the dresser.

Pitch Black is on. Kathe, I still have not seen the skiff fic, btw.

2003-01-14T21:12:00.000-06:00

Anyone else watch 24? God dammit, I'm shipping for Tony and Michelle on 24. I don't need another couple. Can I be Michelle, btw? She's so cute. And Tony's just Tony. Also, I'm crushing on Mason. Seriously. I've taken to liking the bastards with a heart of gold. And of course there's Keifer.

One day, and I am serious, I am going to watch the first season.

2003-01-13T19:16:00.000-06:00

So I've had a bad day. Besides stupid salespeople and a guy who called and complained that "you women" don't know which way they're facing, blah blah, don't take it personally, and the heat being out at our house again, the overtime I just got last week? They're canceling it. Not only are they taking away our overtime weeks from the five of us, but they're coming up with this nonsensical schedule to cover all the hours. So next week I'll work 8:30-5:00, then I'll have three weeks of 8-4:30, then a week of 7-3:30, and so on. Yeah. And the guy coming up with the schedule says he's open to ideas, but he really couldn't care less what we think. Plus it makes it harder for all of us to take vacations or sick days, and I might have to go for the second job after all. I really don't want to. I feel exhausted and time-deprived as it is, I don't want something else to suck out all my energy. I don't want to have to quit two jobs over the summer. Gah.

2003-01-12T20:09:00.000-06:00

Spent the weekend at a Scaper gathering. And I got to be Guest of the Day at our hotel, which was neat because it gave me an Odo walrus. Had fun kitten piling, watching lotsa stuff, not getting lost, and of course I got to watch Farscape with Nick, Cristin and Sarah. Justin Monjo is on crack. (And crack is comedy gold.)

Yes, I am tired. And it's a good idea to never ever watch something like The Surreal Life when you're tired.

2003-01-09T17:57:00.000-06:00

So today has been pretty damn awesome for me. I went into it in a bad mood, then Beth and I found out that one of the shipping companies we work with is going to be sending their rep and each of the dispatchers (Jen and Cici, who we've become pretty friendly with over the last year) are taking us out to lunch on them sometime next week. The rep says to pick a damn good restaurant. I tell him I eat salad. He says get a big salad. Hee.

Then it turns out to be review day at work. I wasn't technically an employee for review day last year, so this was my first. Our company did really good this year, while our sister company didn't. Yet, our company did really good. I got a $2 raise. Plus, yesterday they put me on the overtime rotation, so I won't have to get a second job. I probably will, because I'm not turning down money, but I don't have to. That makes me happy.

I'm not poor anymore! I'm not rich, but passable! Bye bye credit card debt! You're getting paid the hell off before ScaperCon and the move!

2003-01-08T21:47:00.000-06:00

Had a horrible little time at work today in the form of a customer I dubbed Mr. ADHD. He comes into the building in a business suit and shoes that clanked on the floor like the hardest-soled women's heels, paces around the showroom on the phone, then practically runs into the sales office. Five minutes later, he's back pacing the showroom like a hyperactive gerbil, and when I ask him if I can help him, he says very quickly "I'm just thinking," and walks back to the sales office for literally two seconds before coming back. By this time, Beth's back from break and is watching this guy pace more as I enter his order. As I'm entering, he starts tapping his credit card on the desk in this little beat, and I start wondering if it would be wrong of me to jam my pen into his jugular vein, not that he stops moving enough for me to get a decent shot. Finally, I get to invoice him, and at that point, Beth says "I'm so tired" and puts her head on the desk so he can't see that she's laughing. Which means *I* start laughing. My entire body's turned to the printer so the guy can't see, and I let him go to the warehouse to pick up his order. As soon as he was out the door, Beth and I were laughing so hard we're both crying, and we couldn't stop long enough to even explain to anyone why we were laughing. For the rest of the day we could crack each other up with a mutter of "gerbil."

And I'm going on overtime next week. That means I'm in a five-week rotation of 8 hours overtime, which will be really good since I'm up for review in about two weeks. I have to get a second job, but I'm hoping I'll be able to get enough to not be desperate...

2003-01-04T20:11:00.000-06:00

Take the Affliction Test Today!

Hee.

Which Firefly Character Are You?
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I'm kinda disappointed I'm not Zoe.

I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile.
Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away
I let mine out, and chatter all the while.

I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day
Is any day that's spent without a friend,
With nothing much to do or hear or say.

I like to be with people, and depend
On company for being entertained;
Which seems a good solution, in the end.

What Poetry Form Are You?

< shrug > I don't know what that is.

2003-01-04T19:56:00.000-06:00

New wallpaper. < drool >

I've missed my calling. I'm supposed to be elementary school teacher. First I parentally harassed a guy at work into finally doing the work he was supposed to do weeks ago. Then when Shawn tried to get me in a rubber band war, I picked it up, said "This is mine now," and put it in my desk drawer. Yes, I have turned into Miss Susan. Where's my poker?

I'm pathetically happy to be getting new glasses. I finally went to the eye doctor today, passed the exam with flying colors (though my eyes are now both a -6) and got a year's supply of contacts that will undoubtedly last me two years at least. I also get new glasses, which isn't terribly exciting except that my old ones make me look like an owl. These make me look like a dark-haired version of the blond chick on SVU. I blame it on the haircut.

2003-01-02T22:20:00.000-06:00

Happy new year to all. Mine was spent in my jammies, playing the Sims. I was happy with it. Every year I tend to judge how it's going to go by the first couple days, and I've got a 50/50 shot here. The 1st was basically me not getting out of aforementioned jammies till about 2 and watching I Love the 80's on VH1. All freaking day. It was relaxing, I didn't have a headache, I slept in, and I had a good hair day. I can deal with that. Today was back to work, and by 8:30 I had decided that I was gonna end up on death row for mass murdering my workplace. Beth and I were conspiring against everyone else. At one point she asked if we were supposed to be pissed off at each other, and I told her we wouldn't bitch about everyone else if we weren't talking. Which seemed to make it fine.

Yeah, so this year can't suck too bad, at least. I have ScaperCon, Scapers themselves, and oh yeah, that little thing called moving...

2002-12-29T18:35:00.000-06:00

And because I'm in the zone today:

Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
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Totally not shocked.

2002-12-29T18:28:00.000-06:00

Just got back from seeing The Two Towers, and Oh My God. I wasn't a big fan of the first one outside of cute boys (and yes, that includes my completely misplaced crush on Ian McKellan), but I liked it. Legolas is such a little badass, I want to bring him home with me. The horse thing. Shan, I know you will geek with me about him getting on the horse. It doesn't get any cooler than that. I will have to watch the first one before going to see this one again, though.

Oh, and it gave the preview for a Vin Diesel movie that actually looks pretty damn cool. Hi, Sarah. =)

2002-12-28T20:11:00.000-06:00

Hi. I'm bored.

Which Firefly Guy is For You?
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And I can't believe I didn't do this before, but I'm on the bandwagon of people whoring out the fact that registration for ScaperCon 2003 is now open! It's in Chicago this year, which I love because that means no 5 hour drive for Natalie this time! We're talking 45 minutes in traffic. Yay. (Which will probably mean I get laden down with more supplies and such, but that's okay. Whee!) Go register! It's fun! And there's talk of table dancing and flashing!

2002-12-28T18:54:00.000-06:00

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, everyone who celebrates it. Everyone else, hope you had a great day anyway! =) I got some great CD's and DVD's, and Nick proved himself to be completely awesome by getting me a ton of Excalibur backissues that are currently invading my life. I so want to be Kitty when I grow up.

Hair update: It's black now, and I want my ponytail back. Why, yes, I have watched too much Farscape lately. I want my Aeryn hair back NOW.

So the holiday season seems to have brought out a bit of humanity in Beth (though she's again, one of those people who has become all "My Boyfriend, My Boyfriend." Because we all give such a damn). She's been pretty nice to me, or else I'm not caring anymore. Or something. Yesterday she was telling me how I've got the most facial expressions she's ever seen on one person, and I told her how in acting class in high school, Mrs. Sokol called me The Great Stone Face. I never smiled, was stiff and wooden, and I never wanted to violate anyone's personal bubble... Beth started laughing and said something about if she could see me now, which is indirectly one of the best compliments I've ever received. That was my biggest obstacle when I started out acting, and it's nice to know that people don't believe it ever was a problem. Which is cool, especially when you consider that for my final, I was able to push a guy around onstage, and I got complimented on acting through facial expressions. Whee!

2002-12-22T12:33:00.000-06:00

And as part of the Christmas season, I reread this and had to link those who for whatever reason hasn't seen it yet: So You Wanted a Peackeeper for Christmas.

2002-12-22T12:21:00.000-06:00

"Wanna fight? Wanna debate? How about disagree?" -Jeff to Tammy's dog

"Fight me! Only the strong survive!" -Jeff again to Tammy's dog

"Corporate lawyers are the scum of the Earth. < long pause > Natalie, it wasn't that funny." -Jeff

I went out last night for my high school friends' annual Christmas dinner thing. We all got dressed up, went to a pretty fancy Italian restaurant, and Kelly was my date. < shrug > (Btw, if I ever become one of those people who is all about their boyfriend, putting off every other thing just because of them- shoot me. Seriously. You are all under strict orders to kill me. I do not want to be that person.) Apparently my haircut makes me look so different that people I've known since I was 14, 15 years old don't recognize me. I guess it was an okay night. Nothing big. Brandi's already planning my going away party, which I find really funny, because I don't see them enough to either miss me or want me gone. Whatever. And for the record, though I was a snarky bitch, Carrigan and I strangely enough got along. Stranger things have happened, I guess.

In the last day I've been watching fourth season Farscape, alternating loving it and cringing and closing my eyes for various reasons. And then I realize with horror that I have lost my #5 tape. So of all the Farscape eps I could possibly be missing that I want to see more than anything, which ones do you think are on that tape? Yes, that's right. DMD and SOD. Freaked me the hell out, and now I'm developing a twitch and tearing my room apart. But I'm curling my hair the Sikozu way, so it's all good.

2002-12-21T11:57:00.000-06:00

Okay, why is Dustin Diamond everywhere? This question begs to be asked. Damn you, Celebrity Boxing, you brought this on the unsuspecting public! I'm watching the E! True Hollywood Story of Saved By The Bell (because come on, we all watched it, and for some reason there's been a lot of admitting it lately with people I'm around), and now he's on Star Dates. Which is a show I completely don't get. While I realize that people will do anything to get on TV, I think I'd have to draw the line at going on dates with Screech and Eddie Munster. But that's just my pair o' pennies.

That being said, Mark-Paul Gosselaar still really needs to call me.

2002-12-20T23:02:00.000-06:00

I am blogging to keep myself from doing weird things at 11 PM. I already gave myself a facial and done dry skin treatments, I'm resisting the urge to body mask the rest of me and go through all my makeup... Or I could clean my room. Which doesn't sound bas unless you see it right now. And I don't dare do any of this stuff because I will be up all night, guaranteed. Here's me trying to get really tired so I can be unconscious before I actually do any of this...

2002-12-20T20:55:00.000-06:00

It's got to be bad that my shows getting canceled is starting to depress me. So far this year I saw the end of Witchblade, then Farscape was canceled, then Birds of Prey, then I guess this is Buffy's last season (did Joss confirm this?) and Firefly was going into the hiatus from which I doubt it will return... Those are basically my shows. I have it on usually for background noise, but that's it. I think Alias, Everwood and CSI are really the only shows I watch that I'm not in a fandom for. Maybe it's just cuz I don't know what's going to happen to the fandom that makes me all weird, but I don't like it. 'Sides, I'm what some people would call an addict, and I need my escapism, dammit.

2002-12-20T17:19:00.000-06:00

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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I bet you anything it's because I put Christina Aguilera for the first answer. (What can I say? "Dirrty" won't get out of my head.)

2002-12-19T21:59:00.000-06:00

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
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Last time I took this quiz, I was the Count's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

2002-12-19T21:40:00.000-06:00

I am missing the hell out of everyone. I don't know if it's just the holidays or what, but I can't wait for ScaperCon, or at least the next time I get to see my friends. I need Scaper hugs and kitten licks and generally everything that comes with it. Do you know how long it's been since I've snorted at what someone said? I've been going through pictures and quote lists and getting manically nostalgic. Someone stop me...

2002-12-18T22:22:00.000-06:00

It's December and yet, there's rain and 50 degree weather. Yes. Everyone keeps saying they want snow. No! No snow! This is my last winter here and if I can actually enjoy it, don't knock it!

And dude, words can not express how much I hate that damn Scifi promo. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I don't care what anyone says, when I see Farscape being advertised as part of Scifi's lineup with Tremors the Series and The Dream Team with Annabelle and Michael, I can't help but growl at it. Bastards cancel Farscape, yet they put shit like this on the air. Real geniuses at work. And that was rant #40 for the day...

2002-12-17T20:47:00.000-06:00

Buffy turned me British. Too many accents, my brain has been invaded. I've been she of the wavering accent for the last freaking hour...

2002-12-17T18:59:00.000-06:00

I'M ONLINE AGAIN!!!

See the bit below, about class? That was Natalie desperately hoping she'd be able to stay online long enough to send it. AOL can fucking bite me. In the last week I have said goodbye to class, cursed my way through work the promise of "I'll be gone this time next year," finished my Christmas shopping, and finished all the Discworld books for lack of anything else to do.

Off to watch Buffy. And post Ramblings. Because I CAN. Ha.

2002-12-12T18:20:00.000-06:00

First off, to everyone who has sent me personal E-mail in the last week: I'm trying, I really am. My AOL connection is doing that thing where it will let me online for somewhere between one and two minutes, and then quit the application. So for instance, I have enough time to get to Hotmail, to click on a link, the E-mail to begin loading, and then I get kicked off entirely again. Major headache. As for my blog, I'm trying to be super quick about it.

"San Jose, Illinois?" -Colin

Colin: "We'll live on something. Not on love."
Cassandra: "Good, because I don't want your nuts."

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted the six-year-old!" -Scott

"You're giving me a feeling that makes me unhappy inside." -Eric

Melody: "It's the phallic Beanie Baby."
Tim: "Oh, God. I had named it Inchworm."

"Look at what I can do! I can go up, and down... Play with me... Love me. Give me a kiss!" -Melody, with the phallic symbol Beanie Baby

Last night was my last class. Everyone was tired and achy, in a bad mood, with minds solidly in the gutter, and not only did we end up getting through everyone's performance in one night, but we all did the best performance of the semester. Jim and I had our scene together, and kicked some ass. We did a breakup scene, which was supposed to be a little bitchy, and we managed to turn it into this amazingly angry scene. It was one of those times where beforehand you ask your scene partner "What exactly can I do? Can I hit you?" Jim and I both agreed to whatever we felt like doing up there, and then when we got up there we ended up pulling back rather than haul off and smack the other. Plus we were using Nicki's prop and neither of us wanted to throw it and break it. I got a lot of praise, which I love. Hee. Can't say I came away not knowing anything.

2002-12-06T21:12:00.000-06:00

"You make me manic just looking at you."

Hee. Brett doesn't like Beth. (Which is fine by me; Beth and I are getting along, but I can't like a person that looks at me like an alien whenever I say words like "admonish", "preemptive" or anything else that has more than one syllable.)

"Didn't you hear? Irony doesn't exist anymore. It's been canceled." -Scott

"I didn't see anything resembling human behavior in there." -Colin

"She wants my nuts and I just won't give 'em to her." -Colin

Class went really well this week. Pamela and I hadn't worked on our scene since about three weeks ago, and remembered upon getting to class that we had to do our final for our scene together. Amazingly, we managed to (tah dah) improv it, and did great. We have two more classes (it was supposed to be one, but since last week's got canceled we're going another week), and one more scene. It's an endowment exercise, where we take someone else's personal item, come up with a theme, and base a scene around it. I got paired up with Jim, and we have to get together this weekend to work on it. So we shall see.

2002-12-03T19:15:00.000-06:00

So I'm watching Taken, because if nothing else, Yay Eric Close. But it kinda weirds me out to see Darla doing scenes with Jason from GH. Wow.

Spent today raging (again) and scaring people out of apologizing to me for fear I'd hurt them. I've had it with stupid people. Seriously, I spent an hour looking for an order that one of the salespeople swore up and down she didn't have, and when I sent Beth on a little quest to find it, guess where she found it. Yeah. Way too many people think that whatever they want right this minute is the most important thing I can possibly be doing, even if I have time limits on every other thing I have to do. I also got to hear myself called Scrooge more than once because even if I love Christmas and have to stop myself every year from buying everyone a thousand and one things, I hate snow and Christmas music, so there goes that. Whatever. I'm so fucking tired of people. And they just won't go away...

Also, why is it that Teri Hatcher Radio Shack commercials show up more around the holidays? Maybe Radio Shack's present to me can be freezing Teri Hatcher in a block of ice and them hitting her with a hammer.

2002-12-01T14:06:00.000-06:00

""Which cocktail are you?""
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I am Mama Crichton's Daughter, after all...

2002-11-30T21:13:00.000-06:00

Sometimes my dad amuses the hell out of me. He got a DVD player with a brand new spanking sound system, and he's become a DVD demon. Seriously, he started watching Spider-Man and Star Wars yesterday, and today he's gone through Jurassic Park, Frequency, X-Men, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, and now he's got Pitch Black in. Every time a movie ends, he's standing in the hall going "More movies! More movies!" I told him to say the magic word, and his only response is "The magic word is gimme!" So my DVD collection is currently depleted so he can see everything. It's amusing, and it just made Christmas shopping for him a hell of a lot easier... < g >

2002-11-29T09:31:00.000-06:00

Which Recurring Buffy Character Are You?
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Huh.

2002-11-29T09:12:00.000-06:00

I worry about money too much, which I really shouldn't. I seem to be one of those people who always finds money when I need it. And then I look at apartment stuff for the move to LA (nine months to go!) and wonder where I'm going to get it all. And then I think about how I moved there before with so much less than I have now, and somehow I lasted six months. I think it was because I didn't know any better. No one told me I couldn't do it, so I went ahead and did what I could as a clueless 18-year-old on her own till I was dragged back kicking and screaming. I know come August, I'll be fine and ready to go, but until then I think I'm going to be a lil bit worried.

That being said, watching Divorce Court can be pretty entertaining.

2002-11-26T21:06:00.000-06:00

Hey, you know what's fun? Being evil.

Today was another Piss Me Off Day at work. I scare people real well. They back the hell off quick when I get in one of those moods. I notice even Beth won't talk to me then, and she backs away when I walk by. Hee. For anyone doubting that I'm going to end up as Granny Weatherwax some day, this is further proof.

Now if only I could do something about Mother Nature. It snowed from the moment I got to work, until I left. I hate snow. It looks pretty on postcards, but it's cold, wet, it gets in Talyn's tires, it freezes and I have to scrape it off my car, and it sucks ass. Last winter here, I swear...

2002-11-25T17:16:00.000-06:00

Found out today that my friend Michelle, who I've known since kindergarten, is getting married. Definitely am happy for her. She deserves a little bit of happy. Of course, it does make me feel old.

Oh, and Beth is back at work from a week of being sick. She told me the reason the doctor knew it was mono was because she had an inflamed spleen. Serves her right.

2002-11-24T18:04:00.000-06:00

I now own all the Discworld books up to Thief of Time (which I skipped ahead to read- Laurie, I see what you're saying about Miss Susan. She's killing me). And lemme tell you, the trip to B&N was totally worth it if only to flirt with the cute guy at the checkout counter. Yum. Anyway, I have no room to put them all anywhere, as my actual bookcase is filled with Vorkosigan and Star Wars books, along with everything else I have nowhere to put. Therefore the Pratchett books are stacked in one huge tower on top of my little 13" TV. The Leaning Tower of Pratchett. It's taller than I am. I just spent way too long trying to stack them all into a nice straight tower, but let's face it. At 4 am some random morning I'm going to hear a crash and see them all have fallen around my dresser. If you blow on the Tower, it shakes. It's still shaking right now. And yet it's one of the most oddly amusing things I've ever seen.

2002-11-24T11:13:00.000-06:00

I always forget how much fun it is in Hanniganite chats. I mean, it's just cool. Last night we slashed the Babysitters Club, quoted Izzard, basically retreated to our childhood, and I got to report on how Nick, tired from not sleeping for about a week, was saying "Ook" a lot and trying to pick things up with his feet, after comparing himself to the Bursar.

And while I'm not really sure why Oxygen has been showing every Hitchcock movie ever made, I'm glad to see them. I'm watching Vertigo right now. See, I may not have seen any of the 80's staples, but damn if I didn't grow up on Hitchcock and Natalie Wood and Bette Davis. Good stuff.

2002-11-23T19:06:00.000-06:00

So I'm in the Hanniversary chat, and we're talking Baby-Sitters Club. This stuff just follows me around.

2002-11-21T19:29:00.000-06:00

Quiz
created by Polly Snodgrass.
	WATER OF AIR. You're aloof, depressed and seasoned. You'd make a good psychologist, executioner, black widow, arsenic poisoner, heretic queen or commentator. You're too witty for your own good. Have to get up early in the morny morn to fool you, as you spot lies a mile away. And WOE TO THOSE who dare attempt such a stupid move. You're Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, when she cuts Michael's head off. You're Anne Robinson, the host of The Weakest Link!

Damn. I can't be that bad...

2002-11-21T19:18:00.000-06:00

Oh my God, people. Today was proof that Natalie Has Anger Management Issues. The fact that I didn't punch a customer was such a testament to my self-control.

Everything I watch and read is crossing over in my head. You know the Death and John Crichton thing I mentioned (which I did start on)? I want to do one for Buffy. Also on the insanity fic roster:
-The Angry Chicks With Dead Family Members (Jaina Solo, Kitty Pryde, Huntress, and one of my originals) getting together and having a bitch session.
-Daria Morgendorffer and Susan Sto Helit baby-sitting together.
-John Crichton and Jacen Solo comparing insanity stories.
-Aeryn and Granny Weatherwax having a good heart-to-heart (read Lords and Ladies and that will make a lot of sense).
-Rose and Delia from Everwood on the play date from hell. (Maybe Susan and Daria could sit for them- Ooh.)
-Cordelia Vorkosigan and Leia Organa Solo exchanging "When I thought *my* kid was dead..." stories.

This is my brain, people. And Jena's not even cackling. She's sitting in a corner, staring and smiling evilly. Bitch.

2002-11-20T22:12:00.000-06:00

Scott: "I understand, sometimes you have to do things like dye your hair to make up for what you're missing in life."
Cassandra: "How would you know? You have no hair."

Class tonight was okay. Nothing special, cuz half the people weren't there, and we ended class by talking and talking and talking about the play we saw last week. And my bathroom buddy Cassandra and I have also discovered that we have a shared problem with cutting ourselves the hell open at work doing things like filing.

While I'm babbling, I have tried to avoid saying it, but I have to: Stone Temple Pilots' "Sex Type Thing" could not be any more of a John and Scorpy song. Ignore the title and the words work slashably or non-slashably. I was vidding in my head on the way home, please hit me.

2002-11-19T22:10:00.000-06:00

"I'm not a violent person, but I threatened to put a guy's head through a window."

Okay, I did this thing that we call snapping today. My brain broke. My day was all fine and good until I helped Gretchen's workload by doing a charge for her, and ended up on hold with the credit card company for 45 minutes listening to a cheerful-to-the-point-of-medication operator tell me my call is very important every ten seconds (only to find out that the only number we had was the wrong one), and that was it. I overheated or something. By 3:30, Gretchen and I had come up with songs for our very own musical, called Bahr! I do the backup singing.

Oh, and I hope Keifer Sutherland doesn't have a wife or girlfriend or anything. Because I'm going to start planning the wedding, and I'm sure in the course of my stalking him in the next few months, we'll get to know each other. And if it doesn't work out, maybe he can introduce me to the guy who plays Tony on 24.

2002-11-18T17:37:00.000-06:00

So first everyone at work gets pneumonia. Now Beth's got mono. While I'm more than happy to get rid of her for a while, I fear for my immune system.

You know you're addicted to Terry Pratchett when... I read Hogfather. Went to the mall. Damn near laughed myself to tears when I saw Santa. Oh, and I've decided I kind of want to write some kind of fic where Death meets up with John Crichton. < sigh >

2002-11-16T10:47:00.000-06:00

"I'm surprised anyone could hear anything over my stomach. If my stomach was a gesture it'd be going like this < insert shaking clasped fists type of hand gesture here >." -Cassandra

"I guess Melody and her Carlo aren't coming- Hey, my butt is vibrating!" -Scott

Thursday was the play, where I had to sit next to Sean's girlfriend (you know, the cute tiny girl who refused to take off her coat and scarf the whole time and sat staring straight ahead with her hands in her lap all night). But Jim did make a point to say hi to me, I fell down a stair in the bathroom (it was missing a damn "step down" sign), and lemme tell you something. For someone who hates driving in Chicago, damn if I don't drive like I haven't lived there all my life. Nick and I left at 6, and the drive took an hour and a half. It was supposed to take 30 minutes. Then we drove past the place and had to turn around on Lake Shore Drive, and pretty much ran to the place, with no real idea of where we were going. I was making my own lane, making left hand turns without being able to see what was coming from either direction... I can be an asshole driver when I wanna be.

Tammy: "You know what they are? They're like that Japanese torture thing where they drip water on your forehead."
Me: "Chinese water torture?"
Tammy: "Yes! Maggie and Carrigan are Chinese water torture."

And then Tammy and I went to Boogie Nights for that whole thing with Beth. We got there around 7:30, I was home by 8:15. We both got hit on upon entering the club, said hi to Beth and Gretchen, wandered around to find Carrigan and Kristin, and by this time we'd been there five minutes and Tammy's telling me "We can go whenever you want." I had Tammy fake sick and we got out. I'll hear about it from Beth on Monday, but I don't care. She was too drunk and/or high to probably remember. Oh well...

2002-11-13T21:35:00.000-06:00

"I'm schizophrenic, so I want ass?" -Katie

"You'd think by now people with behavioral disorders would know not to go on blind dates." -Scott

Scott: "Without anything to do, you sort of resorted back to trying to entertain us."
Eric: "Oh. My defense mechanism."

"I'm too tired for you people tonight!" -Scott

"Marry me or I swear I'll raise the stakes!" -Colin

"Is there anyone here I haven't felt up?" -Me

Home early from class tonight, cuz we didn't have a lot of people. Started off with one of those human knot things, which had me wedged between most of the guys in the class, most of them having hands in places they didn't need to be during class, and Tim kept moving so that my hand was on his ass practically the whole time. Pamela and I did our scene, watched a bunch of others, and I like Jim. He's one of those guys you just want to hang out with, plus he's cute. (Btw, Sean? Yep, girlfriend. Though he was saying he had to break up with her, and maybe he should start dating older women < looks toward me >. Yeah.) And then tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a play in Chicago with all of them, and I'm dragging Nick to be my navigator. Should be fun...

2002-11-13T17:17:00.000-06:00

Between Pratchett and Eddie Izzard, I may be turning British. Someone stop me from letting "bloody" become my favorite adjective. (Remembering the whole bloody stigmata thing the whole time...) And I'm thinking in a British accent, too.

We at work have decided Beth has no soul. I'm sorry, 6 months after you and your boyfriend break up, when you hang around with him just to see how miserable he is, that's evil. I declared her soulless, and everyone agrees with me. Ha.

2002-11-12T21:34:00.000-06:00

For three years I have been teased by COD. They have a stage makeup class that I have been looking at for three years. Three years, people. It has never been offered at a time that I could take it. I can't take off work for this, so there goes that, and there's only one class.

This is where the jaded of you will think they're not going to offer it anymore.

After three years, they finally are offering it on Monday nights.

Life can be good sometimes.

Oh, and Buffy? EVIL. Jane is a sadist. Yay on Star Wars quotage and the Cute Vamp, and a certain former Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane alumni that is not Michael Rosenbaum. But EVIL. Eeeeeevilllll...

2002-11-11T21:53:00.000-06:00

Oh, and more? No shirtless Sloane this week, thank any god you choose. Got some cute Sydney/Vaughn non-action, though. Firefly? I can't believe that show has me not hating the sibling shippage. That's not right. Joss, you're weird. Sarah may have addicted me to John Doe based on a cute Aussie. Like that's hard to do by now. I have witnessed both Top Gun and Shag. I have some Christmas shopping done. And since I just saw the up and back fractured fairly tale from Kathe, I giggled at cows the whole way home.

Jenavia's back. Don't get me wrong. I love Jena. Stiletto aside, she's the best muse I could ask for. But she gets me with stuff. I got hit on my way to Iowa, on my way back from Iowa... And she thinks it'd be really cute to have the boys from Farscape do the whole full monty thing. Yeah, you read that right. I have notes, dammit. This is what I'm stuck with, people. And we all wonder why I'm insane and useless...

2002-11-11T19:44:00.000-06:00

Everyone on the road who's not me sucks. Made the drive back from Iowa in 4 and a half hours, most of which was spent complaining. At one point I actually screamed the words "Get thee the fuck back you foul wench," which I choose to blame on Rob Zombie, who was blasting from my CD player at the time.

(Btw? Striptease is not the song for me to drive to. Not only do I tend to speed badly during it because I'm busy dancing to it, but if you listen to it loud enough there's this one chord that sounds a little like a siren, which scared the hell out of me the first six or so times I listened to it on repeat...)

2002-11-06T20:37:00.000-06:00

"Every time I eat carrots, I get them stuck in my nasal cavity."
"Maybe you should try putting them in your mouth."

"I usually don't like Guinness, but I'll get it there every time. And then not eat anything for two days because it's a meal in a can all by its little self."

Natalie stayed home sick from work and watched Popular all day. Natalie stayed home from class. Yeah. Actually, so did a lot of people. Our class is eight people tonight. I turned in my paper, paid for my play tickets, and left. Which took a while, because I drove around for 40 freaking minutes just trying to find the parking space. I ended up past the SRC, which is a five-minute really really speedwalk away from the Mac, where I'm supposed to be. So after all that fun stuff, I actually feel worse than I did when I left, but at least I get to see Birds of Prey when it actually runs.

2002-11-03T21:46:00.000-06:00

For the record. Who else did not need to see Arvin Sloane without a shirt?

2002-11-03T09:35:00.000-06:00

I want to know how my relaxing weekend left me with absolutely no time on my hands. It's annoying.

Friday Nick and I went to see Star Wars on the Imax. (Yep- fifth time seeing it.) Okay, if there is a movie that should be seen on one of those things, that is it. Although thanks to certain people ("He's the one with the crooked lightsaber.") I was giggling into the opening scroll. Although when I'm sitting there trying not to laugh at Darth Vader's bestiality thing, I'm going "Hey! They cut out the entire meadow picnic!" Yeah, a lot of the Anakin/Padme stuff was cut, which pissed me and a few of the other rabid fans off. But it was cool.

Oh, wow, they still show Roy Dupuis' ass on Oxygen. Didn't expect that...

2002-10-31T20:24:00.000-06:00

Scott: "We didn't have mosh pits back then."
Chris: "No, you had bong pits."
Scott: "We did not have bong pits. We had WV vans for that."

Thanks to Jim, the extremely tired class ended up laughing hysterically at randomly-shouted Simpsons quotes during stretches (< silence> "My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"). Do you know how hard it is to laugh while you're stretched out between your own legs with your face on the floor? Class started out with us sitting outside the room for an hour before Scott showed up right on time, just when Cassandra was going "Five minute rule! We're gone!" We were all horribly tired, and so all we did was run through scenes. I did my second one, which was much better than my first. Not only did I impress the class with my ability to put on makeup without using a mirror, but when I pretended to poke myself in the eye with an eyeliner pencil, I seriously freaked people out. Go, me.

Last couple days have just been random. Spent Tuesday driving around Wheaton and Warrenville trying to find Pamela's mom's house, only to end up parked in some high school parking lot with dueling marching bands practicing on either side of me while I'm on the phone with Pamela working out our scene. Amazingly, I found my way home. Today was Halloween, where my dad had me and Nick cracking up hysterically while he dealt with trick-or-treaters and went on Python quoting sprees. Oh, and at work, I made friends with a spider. Beth's deathly afraid of them, and the guys in back, who keep the insects they find in the wood shipments, tease the hell out of her. Today they brought in a wolf spider in a Gatorade bottle that I for some reason thought was the coolest damn thing. I named him Wolfgang and was horribly disappointed that Beth threatened to flush him if I even thought about asking to keep him on my desk for the rest of the day.

Also, I'm pissed that I can't make my hair into a Huntress/Chloe hybrid, even if it looks that way when I leave the house.

2002-10-29T20:38:00.000-06:00

I can't watch anything new anymore. New rule. I get addicted to freaking everything. Yep, I'm watching 24. This is not good, people.

"You haven't had your hair that short in 20 years."

I chopped the hair on impulse last night. I've never been able to deal with short hair on me. But dude. You know where my chin is? That's how long my hair is. I feel like Cordelia Chase, but flippier.

2002-10-27T20:02:00.000-06:00

Finally managed to get around to watching the Birds of Prey episode I taped two weeks ago. Yep, there's nothing I can't get addicted to. I also spent the whole ep getting completely confused because Ashley Scott is so on my Never Gonna Happen Girlcrush list (which actually only consists of Angelina Jolie and Eliza Dushku), and I kept questioning whether I wanted to be her or hit on her. I finally decided I wanted to be her, simply for the Shemar Moore factor. I amused Nick, though.

Also, saw Halloween for the first time tonight! One more movie to check off my movie mutant outgrowth list!

2002-10-26T12:04:00.000-05:00

I am never going back to that doctor again. I've been coughing really bad. This horrible dry, hacking cough that made me pull a shoulder muscle yesterday, and now I can't take a breath without my entire rib cage hurting. I finally go to the doctor, who I hate because he misdiagnosed me twice, and he doesn't listen to a word I say. He's starting a new sentence as I'm still talking. Plus, I don't put much faith in a doctor who says "probably" as much as he does. He tells me it hurts because I "probably" pulled a couple pectoral muscles coughing, and that it's "probably" just phlegm getting caught up in my chest, despite the fact that I'm not phlegmy. Basically, he diagnosed me with a cough. Tell me why I should go pay money for all these prescriptions he wrote me when even the fact that I freaking went to this guy was because I know something is wrong?

Then again, I guess it's my own fault, after the jaw thing. Wanna know what he did to piss me off with that? My first visit when I got sick was because I was dizzy and fell down. He told me it could be a brain tumor, or the start of MS. Two specialists- one of who told me it was just an inner ear infection and other who said "I don't know"- later I demanded a blood test because he didn't seem interested in finding out what was wrong, and when that came up negative he said it was "probably" just an inner ear infection. And people wonder why I hate doctors.

2002-10-25T22:50:00.000-05:00

Rash? Is no more. No idea what caused it, but it lasted 24 hours, then went away. < shrug >

No, but instead I have a doctor's appointment for my cough, which actually had me going so bad I couldn't breathe for half an hour. Now, I hate my doctor, the misdiagnosing bastard. But given that our sales manager at work has freaking pneumonia, and I'm prone to bronchitis... Gah.

Okay, so October kind of sucks, too.

2002-10-24T17:12:00.000-05:00

"You're loose."
"Only in the hips. Not that way, you sickos!"

"I love my gay son."

We had one exercise last night where we had to become an animal. Incredibly cheesy, and the only thing I could come up with was a cat, which was what all the other girls were. I couldn't get into it too much (though I did notice when I was crawling on the floor that my hands hurt, and then I noticed that I'd balled up my fists like paws and had been walking on them for who knows how long), and pretty much stayed to the side, but I didn't think I did too well. Yet I'm the one who gets a pat on the back and a "very good job" from Scott. I don't get it.

Beth and I are very tentatively okay. She's being all nice and normal to me, but she doesn't seem to mind that I'm guarding myself pretty good. I'm comfortable with where things were yesterday, when we could talk about work and work only, and weren't even at the "hello, goodbye" stage. Although she hasn't learned anything. She kept pushing a pissed-off Gretchen today, so Gretchen snapped on her, and Beth's all "Well, I didn't appreciate getting my desk pushed." Well, I'm sure Gretchen didn't appreciate your continued whining when she was begging you to stop, either.

Also. I am covered in a rash. No idea what caused it, and it's pretty much head to toe. It's not hives, it's not chicken pox (which I have had twice and have been told I can keep getting without having a full case- fun!), and anti-itch cream just doesn't freaking work. If this doesn't go away by tomorrow I think I'm actually going to have to go to the doctor, which I hate... < sigh >

2002-10-23T16:59:00.000-05:00

There's this guy at work, Terry, who I discovered was a Scaper when I came back from ScaperCon and he spazzed, wanting to know if I dressed up and all about Scapespeare and what everyone was like. Today he came to me at the counter all pissed cuz he had only now gotten an opportunity to talk to me about Farscape's cancelation. We talked for a while and he told me that he was asking another Scaper in the warehouse about when Farscape was coming back from hiatus, and Bob's answer was "Ask Natalie." Terry gets this big grin on his face and goes "You're our resident expert on Farscape." Hee.

Now to grab something to eat, get my stuff together for class and run off to meet Pamela an hour early...

2002-10-22T14:52:00.000-05:00

Which Gilmore Girls character are you? Find out @ Brillig

So. In the last 24 hours of being sick (yes I did call off today), I have managed to get hooked on Stargate based on quotes and Daniel with his glasses off (Michael Shanks is SO my new lust bunny), and stumbled across Rogue Squadron slash. Life is good.

2002-10-20T15:06:00.000-05:00

Since this morning, my father has been saying that the Smogmonster (Godzilla vs. the Smogmonster?) is his friend, and will help him reach the bill he accidentally threw on the couch. He has named the Smogmonster Jimmy.

Never wonder where Nick and I get it.

2002-10-19T19:49:00.000-05:00

"There will be no stripping down in my department!"

Had to go to Best Buy today to get a new phone, since my Shamu phone doesn't work too well and my Sprint service sucks. So those of you who have my cell number, I will give you the new one as soon as I remember. Of course, I was there for forever and a day, but I got to spend all that time flirting with the cute but probably underage guy named Mike who was ringing me up. He was fun.

And I finally got my hands on Plumb. Good stuff, that.

2002-10-19T10:00:00.000-05:00

Bless Oxygen and their La Femme Nikita reruns. Someone tell me this show is coming out on DVD. What other show could make playing with a person's hands hot?

Ever not realize you do something till you see or read a character doing the same thing? So I got a new Star Wars book the other day, which is where the goddess quote at the top of the page came from. This morning I'm reading (read: only reading the parts with characters I really like, and looking for shippy so I'm done with it in like two hours), and I get to this line about "one more relationship to maintain when she knew it was better to begin trimming those away." Which would ordinarily be nothing, except then I reread my post from last night. When I start to identify with characters, it's not supposed to be about the bad stuff! Especially when I have Aeryn for that.

2002-10-18T22:04:00.000-05:00

So Beth is trying to talk to me again. She's taking me doing my job as being nice to her. No, I didn't enter that order for you as an apology, I entered it because you weren't there and it's my job to cover for you for those 45 minutes while you're on lunch. No, I didn't tell you John was ordering pizza because I was being nice, I told you because otherwise you'd be in the warehouse within five minutes telling the guys what a heartless bitch I am. By the end of the day she's trying to complain to me about how hot it is (meanwhile feverish, cold-ridden me is all "Turn up the freaking heat!"), she's trying to back me up on this private joke I've had going on with Eliseo the UPS guy... As I'm leaving, I said good night to Gretchen, and I hear Beth say cheerily "You too!" Bite me, bitch. You may not think about what you say when you're saying them, but there will come a time that you say them to the wrong person. I would be the wrong person.

She thinks I'm self-absorbed. No. I'm self-aware. There's a difference. Beth and I were friends, and I know I helped screw things up because I could have handled the Ozzfest debacle better. I take responsibility for my mistakes, my actions, and words. And why bother to work on fixing a friendship I don't want? I didn't trust Beth from the beginning (I've been screwed over at work before: Brandi, Judy, Vanessa and Alicia are all examples of this, and I learn), and I'm not going to be here in a year. Why is it so important to be friends with the people you work with? Beth's a damn gossip. I say something, two minutes later everyone knows it. For instance, she wasn't talking to me, but do you know how many times I had to listen to her tell people how her ex is supposedly stalking her? Nine. This is not an exaggeration. Anything I say or do makes it to everyone else, and I don't care. They can think what they want, I'm here to get paid so I can leave. She just can't stand that there's someone there that doesn't like her. Then she shouldn't have set me off by calling me a bitch then, huh?

That settles it. I just have to stop meeting people who are out to make my life miserable in one way or another. And where am I planning to move again...?

2002-10-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

"You're not perfect."
"If I was, the rest of existence would be in a hell of a lot of trouble."

So. Beth's not speaking to me and I couldn't be happier. So here's what happened:
Yesterday she starts telling me how her friend Mandy is being harrassed by the ex she works with. Beth told her to tape him talking to her and show it to their boss. Now, as far as I've always known, this is illegal, and I warned Beth of that. She got all upset that as a feminist, I wasn't on board with this. I tried explaining that it wasn't a feminist issue (because I'd say the same thing if it was her guy friend being harrassed by his ex-girlfriend, therefore no gender issue involved), and finally said I didn't want to discuss it. Beth asks what's wrong with me, so I tell her I'm irritated and don't want to talk. Her response: "Then I won't even try to talk to you. I don't like to talk to bitches."

< zap >

I'm not a violent person. Yet my first instinct was to ram my fist so hard into her face that it would take reconstructive surgery to bring it back to normal. And I could have. Amazingly I managed to control myself, and didn't. But she won't talk to me now, which is a blessing. And she's acting five. She won't play my CD's at work, only hers. I dared to put in No Doubt while she was at lunch and she does this clicking thing, like she can't believe I would do such a thing. Whatever. She's nothing. It's a total jealousy thing with her. This stuff only really pops up when I've gone out with my friends for a weekend, or when I talk about them a lot. Plus I'm noticing that phrases I say a lot popped into her speech as of yesterday. She thinks I'm a bitchy self-centered know-it-all. Fine. I can show her what a bitch I can be. She's nothing. Let's see how she handles that.

And it's Thursday, so here's more about my class! Some quotes:
"I'm sleeping with your father."
"Are you having a good time?"
"The best!"

"I'm singing and dancing to Vanilla Ice."

"The pageant of human misery has a lot to do with familial sexual relations."

We had some great games, see above. Poor Eric, having to sing and dance to Ice Ice Baby thanks to Sean's suggestion. But it was really funny. We started out in the hall because Scott was late and there was no one to open the room. Did some games for about an hour and a half, then went on break. Where everyone left the room, went for snacks, to the bathroom, whatever, and returned to find that Scott had locked his keys in the room. Hence, "The cops are here, stop talking about drugs!" Yes, campus security had to be called for us. Hee. My scene sucked, but Scott likes me and is letting me do something else for next week. I've never been that bad an actress, but I knew I was going to bomb it, so it's okay. Then he tells us we have a scene to work out for two weeks from now, so pick your own scene partners. As soon as he said that, Pamela (the one who reminds me of Shaye) hits me on the arm and says "Hi, scene partner!" We're supposed to get together this weekend and figure it out. Yay. I swear to God, even on bad days, when I can't do well, when I'm not up for fun, this class is awesome.

I'm also really tempted to try out for the play Scott's directing. He keeps mentioning auditioning and then looks right at me. I could do it, as long as I get that one Monday off to go to Iowa. Other than that, let's go for it. As much as I love doing Scapespeare, I think I need to have something besides that on my resume...

2002-10-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, thanks to Kathe I am completely addicted to Everwood. Any show where someone defends their virginity by referencing Elka from the Real World ("has less to do with religious reasons than the fact that my girlfriends won't") is good by me.

2002-10-13T15:23:00.000-05:00

Amazing. I'm home five minutes. Five fucking minutes, and my mother has already decided she's going to spend the rest of the day and probably the beginning part of the week not speaking to me. How many more months do I have to be here?

"Evil is more asslike." -Kathe

PirateCon was very cool, and people should have quote lists in their inboxes before most of them get home. Finally got to see Goonies, and liked it, although I still say there's something a little weird about prepubescent boys going searching for One Eyed Willie's rich stuff. I want you guys back, dammit... =(

2002-10-11T11:46:00.000-05:00

You know the one surefire way to drive me insane? Hiding something from me. Like the shoe saga at ScaperCon? That's a normal reaction for me when I misplace something.

That being said, what the hell did I do with my digital camera?!

2002-10-11T09:44:00.000-05:00

Oh, and I have a habit of taking quizzes for things I know nothing about. (For instance, ending up as Rena (that was her name, right? Or something? Once I finish the neverending stream of Pratchett books, I can start on Laurel.)

Is this good?

2002-10-11T09:34:00.000-05:00

I am savoring my day without Beth. I'm picking Kathe up from O'Hare in a few hours, so I just went ahead and took the whole day off. And I have the whole house to myself, which never happens, so I am very happy for it. Yaaaaaaay! Of course, it'd be a lot easier if I could get the muses to shut the hell up already, because I am not going to have them babbling at me all through DeStressCon. Damn muses. At least it's Jenavia who's talking. Good Jena.

Wheeeee, Scapers today!

2002-10-10T17:27:00.000-05:00

"Acting is teaching you how to mindfuck yourself. It's all about believing your own bullshit."

Gotta love any teacher who will tell you the above. Acting class still rocks, and we're all talking about how much we've learned in three weeks. I love it. And Scott is so cool. He gets upset with me if I don't speak up in class. < g > He's one of those guys that you kind of just want to go and hang with after class. The entire class is like that, actually. We all kind of glomped onto each other. Somehow a little girl clique found me, which isn't a bad thing, especially for scene work. So it's me, Melody, Pamela and Maria hanging out in class. And dude, Pamela can't remind me any more of Shaye. Not in looks, but the smile and the voice are one and the same.

"I sewed a teddy bear once. It had a really big ass."

And for my Sean portion of my blog... Yes, the above quote is from him. Sean, Scott and I actually got into a conversation about how we can't knit. And this is why I like Sean, even though I shouldn't. Just when I think he's very typical (his improv was a bunch of guys sitting around drinking beer and watching football), I find out he's voluntarily taking a Shakespeare class. Or that he can actually sew. The story was that his girlfriend senior year of high school told him he couldn't sew, to prove her wrong, he made a teddy bear. And yeah, he threw it at her, but still. < g > This is the kind of guy I'm attracted to, dammit. I kind of wonder if he hasn't lost interest in me, though, which would be a first. I have this "come stalk me" personality, and lose interest after a little while, and I get the feeling that the tables turned on me. You see why this guy is driving me nuts?

Also, any X-Men comic with Kitty Pryde is going to automatically become one of my all-time favorites. Mekanix kicks ass.

2002-10-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

Tom Welling's teeth scare me.

2002-10-08T18:10:00.000-05:00

"Poor gay Spongebob."

At work today, Brett found a story on the front page of the freaking Wall Street Journal about how Spongebob Squarepants is supposed to be gay. Beth and Gretchen, the two Spongebob fans in the office (also, the token homophobes) freaked out at the very mention of this. To the point where their comments had me fighting every instinct I had to climb up on my soapbox. (Instead I just had to think "< zap >". See yesterday for explanation.) Amazingly, I've discovered that there are people who still don't realize that Bert and Ernie were shacking up. I brought up how Artoo and Threepio were bickering as a whole UST thing, and they looked like they were going to be sick. I swear to God, you haven't lived till you and several coworkers have debated the mechanics of sponge/starfish porn.

Which Buffy Musical Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well... Get rid of the last sentence, maybe... Lost my spark for life? Hm...

2002-10-07T17:56:00.000-05:00

Thank God Beth and I were getting along today, because I ended up having to dump half my work on her today. Around 4 I was sitting there screaming "Make it 2:00! It needs to be 2 again!" because I just had sooooo much. Insanity. When people started giving me more work, I was told that I would be an excellent bad guy because I could look the part. (Which works for me. I decided after reading too many Star Wars books that I want that Force lightning stuff, just so I can be all "< zap > And you're dead < zap > and you're dead..." It's not a good time to be on my bad side.) Oh, and I got hit on by a guy who looks like Jerry Krause.

On top of this, I'm slowly turning into my father. The other day I caught myself saying something that I know he said to me when I was younger, or it was exactly like something he would have said. I spent part of Saturday cleaning, but got sick of it and went through all the stuff Dad took out of the crawl space for me to go through. (Which was FREAKY. I found stuff from high school. God, I hated myself before the age of 20 or so...) He started going through what I left, sorting and organizing everything to put away or throw out. I go by later and see that he did the same thing I did, leaving it all there halfway. The difference is, I go back and finish, because he taught me to. Okay, fine, so for all my daddy issues, I'm really not too different. Strange part is, I don't think I suck anymore. Go figure.

2002-10-04T17:11:00.000-05:00

What Farscape Character are you?

Can't say I'm horribly surprised...

2002-10-04T17:00:00.000-05:00

I should be a saint. I figure every day that I come away from work having not forced sharp implements into Beth's eyes, I perform a miracle and therefore meet the requirements.

Beth and I had it out today. Now, I realize that I expect a lot of common sense out of people, and I'm in the wrong for it. But the whole morning she was complaining about how she has the worst luck, and finally I told her it had nothing to do with luck. If she's out of money, it's not because she has bad luck, it's because she's spending all her money on cigarettes, CD's, and Spongebob Squarepants stuff. So about an hour later she said something and I told her I'm "not that big an idiot." My exact words. She picks a fight, which basically ended in her saying I made it fun for her to come to work, and me telling her the feeling couldn't be any more mutual. We didn't talk for four hours, and it was such a gooooood four hours. I know she's waiting for me to apologize, but I have nothing to apologize for. Oh, and I also know that she probably went ahead and told everyone how I'm a cruel heartless bitch. Whatever. I spent most of work wishing so bad that I could just zap her with the power of my mind and make her go the hell away.

In other news.

"We don't need to be talky. This isn't Glengarry Glenross."
"I have no idea who those people are."

My acting class makes me happy. This is the first class I've ever been in where everyone who showed up at the first class showed up at the second. Everyone's still awesome, and the notebook I'm using for notes is quickly filling with quotes. See above and below.

Chris: "You could be a great Juggie."
Bianca: "Oh, great. My dream has been realized. That's all I ever wanted to hear."
Ryan: "Hey, they're talented. I couldn't jump on a trampoline. They should start winning some damn Emmys!"
Me: "The day a Juggie wins an Emmy is the day I slit my own throat."
Bianca: "Hey! I deserve my Emmy!"

Yeah, so that Sean guy? Total crush. Absolute and total crush. Gah, this doesn't help me right now.

2002-10-01T20:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, Buffy kicked so much ass tonight.

As for Smallville... There's something horribly wrong with Bo Duke standing there while his son, um, practices his hormonal flame-throwing skills. But I like Chloe's hair.

2002-09-29T20:49:00.000-05:00

"What's wrong with you people? Men, in general. I mean, what the hell."

I have the Alias premiere and the Monsters, Inc. DVD. September is sucking less the closer it comes to ending. I haven't yelled "Die, Will, Die!" ("The, Will, The," for you Simpsons fans), but there was a cry of "Why aren't you tonsil boxing?!" This, by the way, refers to Alias and not Monsters, Inc.

Yeah, so I'm not in a horrible mood today. The IRS is supposedly giving me money, the damn bitch muse is finally leaving me alone, and my dad went through the crawl space and found a bunch of pictures that disappeared when we redecorated my room over a year ago. We're talking copies of Nick's ScaperCon 2000 pictures, ShipperCon 2000, and from my vacation to LA. So I am once again in possession of two of my favorite pictures ever of me: one hanging off the gates at Paramount Studios (it's supposed to be good luck), and one of me on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Natalie Wood's square. I found them this morning, and have been in a good mood ever since. It makes me feel better, like whatever shit I have to go through in the next few (ha) months, I'm somehow going to manage to be okay. I damn well better be.

2002-09-28T18:02:00.000-05:00

I need to state this:

Norah Jones kicks ass. Oh my God, this CD is the best impulse buy I've ever had.

2002-09-26T18:44:00.000-05:00

Tuesday I celebrated my year anniversary at work. I've never made a year at a job, so that was cool for me.

"I have the utmost respect for people who can do that. I suck at improv."

And yesterday I started my acting class. Oh my GOD. I love this class. My teacher, Scott, is awesome. (See above quote.) We have 19 people in there, and most are serious about acting, and are there because they want to be. And there are some really cute guys there. So there's this guy. His name is Sean, and I noticed him doing the same thing I was during class, scoping out everyone of the opposite sex to see if there was a shot. Apparently we settled on each other. We all had to pair off in partners for scene work, and of course I end up with Sean and this guy Justin, because we had 19 in class. Let me say this about the other people in the class: they're all pretty awesome. We have some terrific scenes, comedic and otherwise. Then Scott asks Sean who he wants to go with. Of course Sean says me. (Did I mention he came over and sat next to me and stared at me like the whole time? And he's one of those guys I can't help but flirt with.) We go up, and have to do a breakup scene, and I did good. Last time I did improv was in high school, and I was pretty bad at it, because I think too much and can't put myself out there. I've thank God changed since then. So it was a great class, and I am so happy to be acting again on a regular basis. I think I need it to be normal. I was considering auditioning for the plays at COD tomorrow, but decided against it for time constraints. Maybe next semester. I'm taking more classes next semester, dammit.

Oh, and the problem with Sean? He graduated in the class of '00. I've never been one for younger guys, and I would even consider it, except then I remember that he's the same age as my little brother. Yeah. And yet I still flirt and it feels like I have a real shot with him, whether I like it or not. Gah.

2002-09-23T20:43:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to my angry CD, which is basically all Metallica, Drowning Pool, Disturbed, and Rob Zombie. It's really best played so loud you blow out your speakers.

Okay, I feel like I'm in high school again, and I fucking hate it. I hated it when I was in high school. And you know what I did in high school? Took it just long enough to survive my senior year, told everyone off, and then moved across the country. Ha. I ended up trying to beat up a wall last week. You'd think people would take that as a sign not to antagonize me, right? Again with the ha. This especially goes to Beth, who apparently is just a dumbass. (Her: "Natalie's mad at me again." Me: "If I was mad, you wouldn't be here." The girl thinks I'm kidding.) She really thinks I'm a self-centered know-it-all bitch, but I think that's just what she wants me to be. Or something. I don't care. Also having some fun on-again, off-again problems with my mom. She says she feels bad for me that I have to stay here a while, but if she could chain me to the wall and keep me here forever, she totally would. And then when I try to exhibit any sort of independence or say something she doesn't agree with, she stops talking to me. Whatever.

Ten months can go by fast, right? RIGHT?!

2002-09-22T09:55:00.000-05:00

Got this from my friend Karyn, but most of the people I would forward this to are people I'm in contact with through like three different addresses, so there:

TOP TEN FAVORITE MOVIES
1. Heat
2. anything Star Wars
3. Life as a House
4. Black Hawk Down
5. Silence of the Lambs
6. Memento
7. Shakespeare in Love
8. Witness
9. Titanic
10. Anywhere But Here

TOP TEN FAVORITE SONGS
1. anything by Guster, because otherwise this top ten will be all them, and a lot longer
2. "Believe"- Sprung Monkey
3. "Santa Monica"- Everclear
4. "Striptease"- Hawksley Workman
5. "Steady Pull"- Jonatha Brooke
6. "Breathing"- Lifehouse
7. "Eternal Flame"- The Bangles
8. "Still Fighting It"- Ben Folds
9. "Digging"- Jonatha Brooke
10. "In My Life"- The Beatles

TOP THREE FAVORITE AUTHORS
1. Lois McMaster Bujold
2. Timothy Zahn
3. Terry Pratchett
(I think I need to expand my reading material)

TOP FIVE FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. Farscape
2. Buffy
3. Homicide (I don't need to care if it's still on or not)
4. Witchblade
5. Trading Spaces

2002-09-21T14:44:00.000-05:00

Firefly notes: I liked it. I would have liked it more if Fox had shown the actual premiere that's floating around in cyberspace. Supposedly that one's really good and will be spliced into a new episode or something, but I hate that they premiered it with the second episode. Dude, that's like starting Farscape with I, ET, or Buffy with The Witch. Sheesh.

Went to the gym today, after dealing with my ex-bank (who told me I owed $50.91 for the $15 they were taking out of checking to put in the savings account I closed last July, even though they never actually closed the account) and Sprint (who I've been waiting for to give me notice that my two-year contract was ending so I could switch carriers without having to pay, but as it turns out my one-year contract ended a year ago). Amazingly, even after working myself to the point that my muscles are ready to pop out of my skin and run away for their own safety, I can't get rid of all this frustration. I need a guy to take this out on.

Speaking of which, there's this guy that comes in to work that I flirt with a little? Could totally be Crais' brother. (Well, not Tauvo, cuz he doesn't look like Tauvo. A yet-unnamed brother.) We're talking build, hair, facial features, everything. His name's Mike. He's nice. I wonder if he has arms like Crais, cuz that could be good.

2002-09-19T17:07:00.000-05:00

"You're living your life in fear of a science fiction novel."
"What, the Bible?"

Yeah, work was interesting. See above.

You know what kills me? Getting matches from that roommate site that are absolutely perfect, and knowing that I can't do anything about it yet. Like, maybe not until summer. Logically and financially it works, but I kind of have a feeling I'm going to be a shriveled up dead little ball huddled in a corner by then.

2002-09-18T20:07:00.000-05:00

And two seconds after I post, I start going around to my friends' blogs and catching up (because I suck at keeping track of everyone through blogs. I like 'em, but damn if I can actually go through them all), and I find Shaye's post about the blue-haired boy. And I feel really dumb for the little panic attack I posted about 5 minutes ago.

(Thanks, Shaye. =) I truly needed that.)

2002-09-18T19:59:00.000-05:00

I've made it a point in my life to never not do something because I'm scared. I have never gotten anywhere by not taking a chance. And you can tell this is becoming a reality, because I'm starting to get that "OhmygodI'mactuallydoingthis" panic attack thing going on.

On a whim I went to www.losangeles.com, and found their section on relocating to LA. I found a website that hooks you up with roommates. I'm finding stuff, people. I'm getting replies to my profile. It's stuff I can afford in the areas I love. I'm not even that far away from my monetary goal. I have work experience, I have friends there, I have a car now, I know the area and how things work, I have an actual acting resume, and I know what I'm getting into. I can put my work resume on a site, hook up with a roommate, and just go. I could probably be out of here by the end of the year. Now, honestly I know I can't leave till 2003. I have classes until December, and Christmas tends to wipe me out a little every year. But after that, I can go. Then it's just a matter of getting my ass up and doing it.

Wow.

2002-09-14T14:35:00.000-05:00

Okay, I've had it. I have officially had it with EVERYTHING.

So this entire month has sucked ass, and each day just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. I really wish there was just some sort of way for me to grab my sisters, kidnap Murray, Paul, Morgan and Vin and head off to some pretty beach planet somewhere, where there are nice cabana boys just for a change of scenery. I swear to God, I'm getting so sick of everything it's not funny.

WARNING: Major ranting being done.

In the last three days, I've come to truly hate this little part of the country. I realize I'm in conservative little DuPage County in a Republican state. I know that here, things like feminism (more like equalism, actually, but bring that concept up and you might break someone's brain) and even vegetarianism are foreign, and when people find out I lived in LA, they think that's where I got it. I understand that my views are nowhere near the views of anyone else around me. Okay. I get that. I've had that lesson pounded into me over the years. What I want to know is how just because someone has a different viewpoint, why it should be odd. There is nothing wrong with diversity. Not everyone has to think the same way, it's just nice if you hear people out. Unfortunately here, I run into nothing but total closed-mindedness.

I've gotten into this a few times with people at work, whether it be this guy telling me I shouldn't be carrying a five-pound box because "you shouldn't have to do that," or hearing people complain about their friends not finding a nice white guy to date, or whatever. The racism I've been seeing lately is completely boggling my mind. And it upsets me, it really does. I do not try to push my viewpoints on anyone, ever, for any reason. If you get on a soapbox, I'll discuss it with you and listen to your opinion. I may not agree, but you won't see me telling anyone they're wrong for thinking something. Yet even for thinking differently, I'm automatically wrong, and I must be a horrible person for it.

Also, I want to know how this keeps coming up at work. How the hell is data entry the place for this?

I've spent the last couple weeks drowning in hypocrisy and bitchiness, and I'm sick of it. Remember the Ozzfest debacle with Beth? She and Gretchen were supposed to go to Aerosmith tonight. Yesterday Gretchen comes in saying she hopes she's able to go, because she's been throwing up for two days, and Beth is nothing but supportive. So okay, I get reamed and ignored when it happens to me, but Gretchen's fine? What the fuck ever already. Also, Beth keeps bringing up how I want to get a tattoo, and saying she'll go with me. I don't trust her for a second. If I invited her to go, something would happen. I've been stung too many times, and yes I am paranoid, but I'm just waiting for that other shoe to drop. Add to this a lot of overall stupidity, double-crossing and a really fun game at work where everyone tries to figure out who Natalie's getting it on with (and I'm not- if I was, I'd probably be in a much better mood), and it's just been a carnival.

Then. I come home, and lock myself in my room, because I don't want to live here anymore, but I can't afford to move out and move out of state. I had to go get my hair fixed today. The red hair thing? It ended up being a very bad thing, so I got it fixed with a box of L'oreal despite my mother's insistence that I go somewhere to get it done professionally. Thursday she tried trimming my hair. An inch and a half got cut off, it was uneven, and she told me she angled the back because she thought it would look cute. I went to get it cut today and the woman looked at it and said "Oh my God." It's fixed, and it's cute again, but God. My mom keeps apologizing now, but I notice it took her two days. No idea what happened there.

So that has been my September so far. Actually, there's more, but this is really really not the forum for it. It's a wonder I haven't started drinking yet. As it is today, I rented the Count of Monte Cristo solely for Guy Pearce (the man's got a collarbone I could suck on for days) and Jim Caviezel, and I picked up some Ben and Jerry's and SoBe. I suppose I could put some vodka in the SoBe.

Choo choo, dammit...

2002-09-09T22:07:00.000-05:00

I just have to say, I think I've already fallen in love with the Firefly fandom.

Especially when I find a message board and the first thing I see are packed threads about Farscape and Witchblade getting canceled. Now if only I could get my freaking avatar to work...

2002-09-07T10:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've been insane this morning. Let me start from last night.

Tammy and Co. went to a comedy club last week, and they're brand new so they were giving away free tickets to get people in. So I went with Tammy, Brandi, Kelly, Tammy's sister Lori and her boyfriend Bill, Tammy's boyfriend Mark, Tammy's brother David and his boyfriend Brad, and my ex-friend Carrigan. Went to Tammy's and hung out for a while, then went with Brandi and Kelly to get Carrigan. We picked her up, then drove out to Schaumburg. Had to sit next to Carrigan, too, which was interesting. It was all, "So how have you been? Good, good." < silence > But the show was cool, and then we went out to dinner at Houlihan's. There David tried to pawn his boyfriend off on me (lemme tell you, there were quotes "Are they renting a video or starring in one?" "I'm the only gay man you will ever meet with an obsession with breasts," and "My brother receives sexual *what*?!"), and Carrigan and I were very civil to each other, even if I did wanna smack her once or twice. I had a good time, and even Kelly's like, "We need to see you more."

Came home around one, and Nick told me Farscape had been canceled. I didn't have a real reaction, besides pissed. Witchblade was just canceled, this is the last season of Buffy, Fox already seems to be trying to kill Firefly, and now this. I was tired, so I got some sleep, and woke up after 6 hours with the thought of "I need to write letters" in my head. I've been writing and calling and sending telegrams, not to mention trying to get word out to people who might not have heard and want to do something.

I just went around to everyone's blogs to see reactions, and then went to read the transcript of the chat with Kemper, Ben and Ricky. It hit me hard, because I'm not ready to give up on a show I love and the people I love more. I want to see this show go out the way it wants to go out, not because someone made a bad decision. I don't cry in times like this. I go into battle mode. I get that very obstinate "You're not doing this without one hell of a fight" attitude and tend to get this view of "If you don't agree with me yet, I will make sure you will soon." Which isn't a bad thing, it's just my reaction. Plus what sucks is that battle mode works great one-on-one. When dealing with a situation like this, I get so frustrated that I can't do more.

Sigh, people. Just, sigh.

2002-09-07T09:44:00.000-05:00

I will have a post about the events of last night, but upon coming home at 1 am, Nick told me that Farscape had been cancelled. So first thing when I woke up, I started writing letters and E-mails and sending telegrams.

If you hadn't heard this before and want to try to save the show, here's Aileen's site. Do something, people!

2002-09-05T17:38:00.000-05:00

You know if you take the Which Star Wars Character Are You test? These are my top 5:
#1: Corran Horn
#2: Jaina Solo
#3: Jacen Solo
#4: Mara Jade Skywalker
#5: Han Solo

No surprise. Those of you who know me and read the books probably aren't surprised, either.

So this prefaces the unfortunate announcement that my damn Star Wars muse has returned. When I got my books from Amazon, I got one book because it was Jaina-centered and she's been a favorite since I was 14 and dammit, I ended up liking the book quite a bit. As I'm trying to go to sleep there's the freaking muse going "Remember me? I'm baaaaack." Yeah, so I got four hours sleep because one idea just pounded into another. This muse hates me, people. She comes back from Bali every so often, tortures me endlessly for a couple months, then leaves me hanging mid-fic. And this time she's not even sticking to SW, the horrid bitch! I wrote eight pages of original stuff last night. Eight pages!! And none of it had anything to do with anything! < whimper > So any E-mail you get from me, any post you see here, any time you actually catch me in chat, rest assured that I have a notebook in front of me. I hate her. Someone make her die... < wail >