Adventures in Jaded Optimism

2003-01-29T21:17:00.000-06:00

http://www.livejournal.com/users/liloleme5

I like icons.

2003-01-28T20:58:00.000-06:00

I swore to myself up and down that I wasn't going to get hooked on American Idol again, and I couldn't have lied to myself more emphatically. I'm totally addicted, and I think it's also this masochistic thing for me. Like I said in another post, the show has this new depth for me because I kind of put myself through that same sort of thing. And I see these kids saying how they're going to be the next superstar even though they very clearly suck, and then I remember the people I met who said the same thing at that expo. Then part of me starts wondering if the same can't be said about me. Cuz when I did the expo it really really seemed like talent-wise, a few of them were all for me, and I was put aside because of my looks. Which I expected, and it doesn't bother me. When it comes to image, I'm not It for most people. But when I was in LA, I was getting invited to industry parties my first night there, and stuff like that. Looks were never a problem for me there, which, all things considering, I find really funny. Then I wonder, even if I look the part, do I have the talent to go with it?

There's a very little part of me that is actually self-conscious, but when it comes out to play, it plays rough and gives Indian burns. So with everything starting to come together (as in, financial planning till August, knowing when I need to quit my job and having about a week span between ScaperCon and Sarah going back to school that I need to go, and all that), the doubt is back out, it's making faces at my self-image and causing a bit of a ruckus.

2003-01-28T18:12:00.000-06:00

Cancel winter. Make the snow go away. I almost got into two accidents coming home, which wasn't fun. Poor Talyn is such the California car. Next year, car, next year.

Spent a good part of yesterday in bed watching An Evening With Kevin Smith, which is just really hysterical. I bought it over the weekend, and it's about four hours long, but I about died. And I wasn't feeling too hot yesterday anyway. Anything that gives you quotes like "In Hollywood you just kind of fail upwards" is good by me.

2003-01-27T09:11:00.000-06:00

Got home at 9 last night from a surprise trip to Iowa (hi, Sarah), felt yicky, stayed home today. You know I can't do long drives without my Kathe CD's? It just can't happen. Any time I wasn't listening to those (and I'm pissed because the Chloe CD is lost somewhere in my car) I was listening to Guster and complaining that their new CD isn't out yet because Ramona is one of my favorite songs of all time. Plus I made up a little dance to "We Gotta Be Clean", but should anyone ever ask me to demonstrate, I will deny that I ever mentioned a dance.

Btw, Farscape? Not the best ep, but entertaining. Though I loved the last scene. Hee. And Alias. Oh my freaking God. For one, I found myself going "Please say they didn't kill Will," which about shocked the hell out of me because last year I was begging them to kill him. And more happy shippy! Really really good weekend for shippiness...

And now I can't stop singing "We Gotta Be Clean." Chuck at work says we need a little Sesame Street in every day. Easy to do when you can't get one of the damn songs out of your head...

2003-01-23T22:33:00.000-06:00

"I have a very high pain threshold when it comes to beauty." -Quinn Morgendorffer

Anyone who has a problem with hair talk, you can save yourself the frustration and stop reading here.

I just spent four hours at the salon. Apparently not only do I become the most patient person on Earth when I'm getting my hair done, but I feel no pain. Remember that I went through the day fighting off one hell of a migraine, and I go there at 6. They had to bleach my hair to get the black dye off. That went really well. It was quick, and the dye came off really easily. The bleach also turned some of my roots a yellowy-blond, and the rest white. I had a white patch at the back of my head. So they did the color, and it took at the ends, but the roots were still blond. So there was more washing and rinsing, followed by more color. After a while, it starts to sting like hell. Plus some of the dye splashed on my face and clogged some pores on my cheek really badly, so I have this oh-so-lovely red spot on my face. But my hair is now a medium brown, with a lot of red and blond highlights, and Lisa the Hairstylist says it'll lighten more with each washing, and in a month we'll do blond highlights, and go from there.

And now? Bedtime.

2003-01-22T20:22:00.000-06:00

Weird dreams last night. I kept waking up and remembering bits and pieces. The weirdest was where I was walking through the hotel from ScaperCon 2000 and ended up in the lobby of the Cincy ScaperCon hotel, where Rona said she would hug me, except she was waiting for everyone to show up so she could give the world's biggest group hug. Then Cristin, Laurie and I were doing the Monkees walk by the fountain, and then we all fell down and decided to stay there because it was more comfortable. Yeah, that was the dream I woke up to around 2. Then I woke up at 4 to one about the trials and tribulations in me trying to burn a Guster CD when we had all these guys staying at our house for nothing. < shrug >

And while I swore to myself that I wasn't watching American Idol this season, damn if Simon isn't irresistible. Though I have to say that after doing the acting expo last August, it hurts more to watch some of these, because I remember being there and seeing it. Plus I feel happier for the people who do make it, because it's pretty damn grueling. And to tell you what a geek I am, I'm just happy to see Kristin doing all the work with the auditionees. Hee.

2003-01-21T20:05:00.000-06:00

Oh, how much did I love Buffy? "I could fit Oz in my shaving kit." < snort > Cool ep that made me really really love Dawn, and I swear the more I see Kennedy the more I curse the fact that I'm straight. (Yeah, the Daredevil commercials are doing that to me, too. I don't know whether to drool over Jennifer Garner or seethe with jealousy. Maybe both.)

I want 24. Those bastards at Fox. Gimme my show! I need my Keifer!

2003-01-21T18:44:00.000-06:00

I declared myself the Hulk today. I was all headachy and irritated, no one would like me when I'm angry, and next thing you know I'm throwing things around and screaming "Natalie smash!!!" I don't get why people figure that if they all need things right now, I can actually get it all done. Why? Because there's only one "right now", ya dumbasses! I'm sorry, maybe I do have to learn how to bend the time-space continuum, but a girl only has so much damn time on her hands!

Though for the record, people at work started getting disturbed when in my more stressful moments I would just start giggling something about "Do you LOVE your hobbit?"

2003-01-20T20:04:00.000-06:00

"What's a little electrocution in the name of hysterical fashion?"

So I've made an appointment to get my hair done. As in, "how light can you make my hair without ruining it?" They can make me blond if I want. Hee. Of course, now I'm really nervous about it, because my hair has always been dark and when I tried to go lighter a year and a half ago, my roots went blond and the rest of my hair stayed brown. But that's okay. It's only hair (eek) and dammit, I need change. I've been talking about this since high school.

2003-01-18T16:49:00.000-06:00

Tired. Was up reading till 3:30, then woke up with my legs on one side of my twin bed and me on the opposite side, so my back's spasming really pretty. Oh, and Jena can bite me, the wench. Yes, I know you want filler. I don't care.

In November Sarah had me watch Shag. I watched. I liked. Went to Best Buy today cuz Nick needed a phone, and so I spent the rest of my gift cards from Christmas on Buffy season 3, Empire Records ("Damn the man! Save the Empire!") and I found the Shag DVD for $10. Cool, right? Till I opened it and saw THERE WAS NOTHING IN IT. So now I have to take it back and exchange it. And I wanted to watch that tonight, too. < pout >

2003-01-17T20:51:00.000-06:00

Farscape. Son of a freaking bitch. I was ready to go hunting Froon for a while there, and I bet you know why. I also want to be friends with Olivia.

All right, I'm watching Fairly Oddparents because I love this show. I keep seeing commercials for Kidz Bop 3, where all these kids sing popular songs. Among these songs? "Don't Let Me Get Me" by Pink, which includes the lyric "My parents hated me, my teachers dated me." Or Shakira's "Whenever Wherever", which is a much more suitable "Lucky for my breasts are small and humble so you don't confuse them with mountains." Can the next CD have "Dirrty" on it? How about some nice Disturbed? Ozzy's really big right now, you know. I fear for our culture.

2003-01-15T19:27:00.000-06:00

The Leaning Tower of Pratchett? Fell. At 11:30 last night. Right after I started to finally fall asleep. I hear all this crashing as the tower comes tumbling down, taking with it tapes, computer discs and anything else in its way. And it's one of those moments where you hear all the noise and know what it is. I will rebuild. Hey, right now I'm just glad none of them fell behind the dresser.

Pitch Black is on. Kathe, I still have not seen the skiff fic, btw.

2003-01-14T21:12:00.000-06:00

Anyone else watch 24? God dammit, I'm shipping for Tony and Michelle on 24. I don't need another couple. Can I be Michelle, btw? She's so cute. And Tony's just Tony. Also, I'm crushing on Mason. Seriously. I've taken to liking the bastards with a heart of gold. And of course there's Keifer.

One day, and I am serious, I am going to watch the first season.

2003-01-13T19:16:00.000-06:00

So I've had a bad day. Besides stupid salespeople and a guy who called and complained that "you women" don't know which way they're facing, blah blah, don't take it personally, and the heat being out at our house again, the overtime I just got last week? They're canceling it. Not only are they taking away our overtime weeks from the five of us, but they're coming up with this nonsensical schedule to cover all the hours. So next week I'll work 8:30-5:00, then I'll have three weeks of 8-4:30, then a week of 7-3:30, and so on. Yeah. And the guy coming up with the schedule says he's open to ideas, but he really couldn't care less what we think. Plus it makes it harder for all of us to take vacations or sick days, and I might have to go for the second job after all. I really don't want to. I feel exhausted and time-deprived as it is, I don't want something else to suck out all my energy. I don't want to have to quit two jobs over the summer. Gah.

2003-01-12T20:09:00.000-06:00

Spent the weekend at a Scaper gathering. And I got to be Guest of the Day at our hotel, which was neat because it gave me an Odo walrus. Had fun kitten piling, watching lotsa stuff, not getting lost, and of course I got to watch Farscape with Nick, Cristin and Sarah. Justin Monjo is on crack. (And crack is comedy gold.)

Yes, I am tired. And it's a good idea to never ever watch something like The Surreal Life when you're tired.

2003-01-09T17:57:00.000-06:00

So today has been pretty damn awesome for me. I went into it in a bad mood, then Beth and I found out that one of the shipping companies we work with is going to be sending their rep and each of the dispatchers (Jen and Cici, who we've become pretty friendly with over the last year) are taking us out to lunch on them sometime next week. The rep says to pick a damn good restaurant. I tell him I eat salad. He says get a big salad. Hee.

Then it turns out to be review day at work. I wasn't technically an employee for review day last year, so this was my first. Our company did really good this year, while our sister company didn't. Yet, our company did really good. I got a $2 raise. Plus, yesterday they put me on the overtime rotation, so I won't have to get a second job. I probably will, because I'm not turning down money, but I don't have to. That makes me happy.

I'm not poor anymore! I'm not rich, but passable! Bye bye credit card debt! You're getting paid the hell off before ScaperCon and the move!

2003-01-08T21:47:00.000-06:00

Had a horrible little time at work today in the form of a customer I dubbed Mr. ADHD. He comes into the building in a business suit and shoes that clanked on the floor like the hardest-soled women's heels, paces around the showroom on the phone, then practically runs into the sales office. Five minutes later, he's back pacing the showroom like a hyperactive gerbil, and when I ask him if I can help him, he says very quickly "I'm just thinking," and walks back to the sales office for literally two seconds before coming back. By this time, Beth's back from break and is watching this guy pace more as I enter his order. As I'm entering, he starts tapping his credit card on the desk in this little beat, and I start wondering if it would be wrong of me to jam my pen into his jugular vein, not that he stops moving enough for me to get a decent shot. Finally, I get to invoice him, and at that point, Beth says "I'm so tired" and puts her head on the desk so he can't see that she's laughing. Which means *I* start laughing. My entire body's turned to the printer so the guy can't see, and I let him go to the warehouse to pick up his order. As soon as he was out the door, Beth and I were laughing so hard we're both crying, and we couldn't stop long enough to even explain to anyone why we were laughing. For the rest of the day we could crack each other up with a mutter of "gerbil."

And I'm going on overtime next week. That means I'm in a five-week rotation of 8 hours overtime, which will be really good since I'm up for review in about two weeks. I have to get a second job, but I'm hoping I'll be able to get enough to not be desperate...

2003-01-04T20:11:00.000-06:00

Take the Affliction Test Today!

Hee.

Which Firefly Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm kinda disappointed I'm not Zoe.

I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile.
Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away
I let mine out, and chatter all the while.

I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day
Is any day that's spent without a friend,
With nothing much to do or hear or say.

I like to be with people, and depend
On company for being entertained;
Which seems a good solution, in the end.

What Poetry Form Are You?

< shrug > I don't know what that is.

2003-01-04T19:56:00.000-06:00

New wallpaper. < drool >

I've missed my calling. I'm supposed to be elementary school teacher. First I parentally harassed a guy at work into finally doing the work he was supposed to do weeks ago. Then when Shawn tried to get me in a rubber band war, I picked it up, said "This is mine now," and put it in my desk drawer. Yes, I have turned into Miss Susan. Where's my poker?

I'm pathetically happy to be getting new glasses. I finally went to the eye doctor today, passed the exam with flying colors (though my eyes are now both a -6) and got a year's supply of contacts that will undoubtedly last me two years at least. I also get new glasses, which isn't terribly exciting except that my old ones make me look like an owl. These make me look like a dark-haired version of the blond chick on SVU. I blame it on the haircut.

2003-01-02T22:20:00.000-06:00

Happy new year to all. Mine was spent in my jammies, playing the Sims. I was happy with it. Every year I tend to judge how it's going to go by the first couple days, and I've got a 50/50 shot here. The 1st was basically me not getting out of aforementioned jammies till about 2 and watching I Love the 80's on VH1. All freaking day. It was relaxing, I didn't have a headache, I slept in, and I had a good hair day. I can deal with that. Today was back to work, and by 8:30 I had decided that I was gonna end up on death row for mass murdering my workplace. Beth and I were conspiring against everyone else. At one point she asked if we were supposed to be pissed off at each other, and I told her we wouldn't bitch about everyone else if we weren't talking. Which seemed to make it fine.

Yeah, so this year can't suck too bad, at least. I have ScaperCon, Scapers themselves, and oh yeah, that little thing called moving...

2002-12-29T18:35:00.000-06:00

And because I'm in the zone today:

Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla

Totally not shocked.

2002-12-29T18:28:00.000-06:00

Just got back from seeing The Two Towers, and Oh My God. I wasn't a big fan of the first one outside of cute boys (and yes, that includes my completely misplaced crush on Ian McKellan), but I liked it. Legolas is such a little badass, I want to bring him home with me. The horse thing. Shan, I know you will geek with me about him getting on the horse. It doesn't get any cooler than that. I will have to watch the first one before going to see this one again, though.

Oh, and it gave the preview for a Vin Diesel movie that actually looks pretty damn cool. Hi, Sarah. =)

2002-12-28T20:11:00.000-06:00

Hi. I'm bored.

Which Firefly Guy is For You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And I can't believe I didn't do this before, but I'm on the bandwagon of people whoring out the fact that registration for ScaperCon 2003 is now open! It's in Chicago this year, which I love because that means no 5 hour drive for Natalie this time! We're talking 45 minutes in traffic. Yay. (Which will probably mean I get laden down with more supplies and such, but that's okay. Whee!) Go register! It's fun! And there's talk of table dancing and flashing!

2002-12-28T18:54:00.000-06:00

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, everyone who celebrates it. Everyone else, hope you had a great day anyway! =) I got some great CD's and DVD's, and Nick proved himself to be completely awesome by getting me a ton of Excalibur backissues that are currently invading my life. I so want to be Kitty when I grow up.

Hair update: It's black now, and I want my ponytail back. Why, yes, I have watched too much Farscape lately. I want my Aeryn hair back NOW.

So the holiday season seems to have brought out a bit of humanity in Beth (though she's again, one of those people who has become all "My Boyfriend, My Boyfriend." Because we all give such a damn). She's been pretty nice to me, or else I'm not caring anymore. Or something. Yesterday she was telling me how I've got the most facial expressions she's ever seen on one person, and I told her how in acting class in high school, Mrs. Sokol called me The Great Stone Face. I never smiled, was stiff and wooden, and I never wanted to violate anyone's personal bubble... Beth started laughing and said something about if she could see me now, which is indirectly one of the best compliments I've ever received. That was my biggest obstacle when I started out acting, and it's nice to know that people don't believe it ever was a problem. Which is cool, especially when you consider that for my final, I was able to push a guy around onstage, and I got complimented on acting through facial expressions. Whee!

2002-12-22T12:33:00.000-06:00

And as part of the Christmas season, I reread this and had to link those who for whatever reason hasn't seen it yet: So You Wanted a Peackeeper for Christmas.